Sad, confused and NEED MAJOR HELP
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| Mon, 09-20-2004 - 1:24pm |
Then, when the second month started, he called me less - oh, about once a week. He at that point was moving into a house he just bought and fixing up rent for four male roommates to last for about a year. He only moved about ten or fifteen minutes away (before he moved, we lived in walking distance from each other). And, with all this going on we did not see each other as much. Also, I started a new job nearby around then. Yet, he always reassured me on the phone and in person that he loved me very much and missed me too. That was what was most important to me anyways, so I figured that this distance we were having was just a rough time and that with love, we would get through it and later get back to the way things were before.
By the time the third month came, things had remained the same. We still hardly saw each other and did not talk that much, yet everytime we did talk on the phone we did say I love you to each other. I really do love him but things were getting difficult at that point. I told him that I think we should be spending more time together and he agreed to that. In fact, two weeks ago, he said on the phone that his weekly softball games would be starting again and I should come see - that was something I really enjoyed going to.
The bottom line is that sometimes he says he will call and doesn't. There were even a couple times when he said he wanted us to go out on a certain day of the week, yet it never followed through.
I am at a point right now where I am very sad, upset and confused because I have left some messages on his phone in the past 2 weeks for him to call me back and he hasn't yet. I also called his mom for the second time in the past two months to ask if she knew anything because I was worried. The first time I did that he called me back asap and reassured me that he loved me and we would spend more time together. The second time I called his mom which was just last night I said the same thing and she says she knows nothing and I could tell that she was really flustered with me calling which makes me even more sad to think that she is flustered with me - because I want to have a good impression with his parents but now I am worried about that also.
I have always believed that if two people love each other, they should do what they can to try to work things out before calling it quits. And, I am especially sad and confused in this case because I don't know what is going on and I deserve some answers. I don't understand how he could feel so strongly and so in love with me in the first month and then go to still loving me, yet not as strong as before. I am so confused and sad and I definitely deserve answers. I want us to try to work things out. Please give ANY advice.

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Second, it is very common for a relationship to start off hot and heavy, then fade away as the two people involved get to know each other better. I'm sure you both felt strong infatuation for each other, but love takes time and knowing the other person inside and out. In a month, that's just not really possible. It's actually a red flag that he came on so strong in the beginning...he's not being realistic about how relationships work. It takes a good 4-6 months of dating to even *begin* to know whether someone is really right for you long-term. He's realized that he was being unrealistic, but is too chicken to tell you.
I would stop calling him completely and see what he does. It's not like you haven't told him what you want...he knows, and is not willing to give it. Words are cheap...he needs to back his words up with action, and he's not. It's *possible* that once you stop calling, he'll realize he misses you and wants to work things out, but I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you.
I think you may need to chalk this up to experience and realize that you need to take things *slowly* in the beginning and that everything that is said early on needs to be taken with a huge grain of salt.
Sheri
I disagree that spending a lot of time in a month is the same as spending time with someone consistently over a period of several months. People put their best dating foot forward in the beginning...it takes spending time, OVER time, to know someone. Yes, there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.
Sheri
WHOAH Honey!
1) turn your television off for a few days because you are getting an idea of the WRONG kind of reality!! Danny Bonaducci? Are you serious? Maybe he and his wife have been together for years... but he is not a normal human person... he is a hollywood tv star- completely different life than you! completely different set of morals, values, priorities, importances! sheesh! Britney Spears married a man she knew all her life and you see where that ended up... get my point?
you keep saying that you 'deserve' answers. but you don't seem to get it - or you don't want to get it - you are GETTING ANSWERS. they may not be the answers you want - but they are answers.
look - either he is just not interested (hence the no calling you), or he is just a rude person (again, hence the not calling you). either way - its up to YOU to decide what to do with the relationship.
and just for the record - we DON'T fall "in love" with people at first sight, or within a short time. you may be "in lust" or "in like", or even 'infatuated' but "love" takes time.
Remember, it is not your fault that he is behaving the way he is behaving. You are obviously a very loving young woman and it is his loss. Keep your focus there and don't let yourself drown in despair. In the end, when you see what it is clear for us with more experience to see, then you may want to re-read these messages. Remember too, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I speak from experience in this matter and I am giving you something positive to hold onto. If this isn't "Mr. Right" he is still out there for you. Don't give up on yourself.
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