Sad over Friend of 15 yrs....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sad over Friend of 15 yrs....
5
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:01pm
I have a very close friend, I met her over 15 yrs ago, I babysat her son when he was 9 months old and a great friendship come of it. We are closer than sisters, we have seen each other through the darkest of time and in the best. She was the kind of friend I could call anytime day or night. We could talk about everything. We both had abusive pasts and childhoods. She was the kind of friend who pulled no punches, you would tell you if your screwing up or your wrong and this friendship worked both ways.

When I got divorced in 94 I moved 45 mins away so we don't see each other as often and you knows as the years go by the visits get fewer and fewer.

So three weeks ago we said March 13th we are going together, no matter what.

We were so looking forward to it because she is moving farther south of where is at now which means over an hour and half drive.

So all week we are making plans. We decided Sat was to be the day, we decided this on Thurs.

So I give her a call Sat saying my Husband and I were leaving in 15 mins and she says oh my gosh I forgot...I have to go into work, they called this morning and asked it I could and I said yes, I didn't remember you were coming until you called.

I was so pissed and so very hurt, I was so choked by tears I couldn't say anything, she said say something, I got very angry and said how could you forget and she said this and that and so on and said I promised we will get together, I said yeah and what about this time, you said nothing would stop us this time. I said your moving farther away and blah blah and I got real quiet again and she kept saying she was sorry.

I went out and bought a gift for her and now I am just going to send it to her in the mail.

I could not believe she forgot like that.

All week were had planned for 3 wks. She didn't even remember I was coming until I spoke to her 15 mins before we were to leave.

The last thing I said was, I will get over it and I better go so you can take your call from work.

She said I am so sorry, I said yeah and I will get over it.

I am so hurt and angry. I have very few very close friends and I would never do anything like that to anyone of them.

I told her well, I guess your friendship means more to me than mine did to you.

I am not sure at this point if I really want to make any attepmt or extra engery investing in this friendship at this point.

Any suggest and how can anythng be different after this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:08pm
Personally I think your overreacting. So she had a lapse in judgement. Don't punish her like this for it. If your as close of friends as you claim to be you will forgive and try again for another day. I think she has suffered enough by you yelling at her and making her feel like crap. Sure she made you feel the same way but don't take it personally, it's obvious that she done it on accident and you did it on purpose. A 15 year friendship isn't worth breaking up over a 45 min drive and few days of planning. This is just my opinion but I know it could happen to me easily, especially with my hectic life and work...I just hope if and when it does my friends are more understanding than you...I wish you the best of luck with this (and sorry for being so harsh but it needed to be said). sweetnopichick
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:21pm
Well I would definitely be upset, maybe even more perplexed, about why my friend forgot. Does she have memory problems?

I would not sacrifice my friendship or try to punish her though. I would probably talk to her and explain my disapointment and want more of an explanation if there was one. Is she going through a lot right now?

'I have very few very close friends'

Why is that?

I am copying some things you wrote in your profile:

'Favorite Quote: With every closed door, there is one waiting to be opened.'

It probably feels like she slammed the door on you so how can you turn this experience around?

'Best advice I ever received : This too shall pass'

What do you think of that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 12:17pm
I am gonna give you an honest answer why I have very few close FEMALE friends. I have been burned by then one too many times.

My friend of 15 yrs, would never go after my BF's or Husband, she keeps my secrets that I tell her and visa versa.

I trust her, more than I trust my own sister or any BF for that matter.

I have women friends but not as close as this friend is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 12:35pm
i understand that you are hurt bucause your friend forgot your get together, but she is your best freind and you should be able to forgive her. if she has a lot on her plate she may be exhusted and we can forget things. i understand when u say u have few close friends i am the same way. i have a lot of friends but not really close friends. i consider a close friend a person in whom i can confide like you can in your friends. my best freind lives in michigan and i live in houston but we still call each other and when possible see each other. we dont get to do that often because she works goes to school and has a year old baby so i understand, because i juggle too. so my adivce is just be patient and no distance can take away what you have.

good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 1:56pm
I too have just eneded a LT friendship, although mine was a little more gradual than yours, it was still hurtful to go through; in my situation, I was the ender and she didn't see it coming. In life, these things happen. I sympathise with the 2 of you, I would have forgotten a lunch date if it were made so far in advance too. I don't think that you should be so angry over a few missed dates, but also don't keep yourself so invested, either. It's hard to maintain a friendship over a long distance. Next time that you make plans, remind her the day before or even the morning of! keep in touch via e-mail and phone calls (buy calling cards, they're cheeper than the best long distance plans!) and send cards and small gifts that she'll miss from her home town. You can make it work if you try. Good luck!