Sad story, need support
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| Thu, 07-29-2004 - 1:30pm |
I have been with my fiance for 5 years. We have 2 children, and the potential to be happy. The problem is that he is still married. It eats at me every day, and I lash out, and feel entitled to my anger. Why is his situation still unresolved? Primarily, money. We lost everything after 9/11, and he was beginning a new career and is making just enough for us to get by, and allow me to stay home with the kids. There hasn't been anything left over for an attorney, but I am still bitter. His ex is living in a fantasy world that her husband is "away", and I think he is just lazy and can't face dealing with the stress of the divorce. He says he loves me, and thinks "soon" is a good answer. I don't ask anymore, and my heart just isn't in this, and am not sure if it can be.
I just needed to unload this.

You can't force the man to get a divorce - he has to be motivated himself to do it. I think the financial issue is just a smoke screen. Unless the divorce is contested or mediation is needed to settle property, then divorces are very cheap to do. An attorney is unnecesary. I think you are right that he doesn't want to face his wife and deal with the difficulty that will result from it.
oh gosh, i am soo sorry for this! you are not FOOLISH - but you do need help. i agree with lucy that this is something that HE needs to deal with and he probably won't - but i think it is a big red flag that you "feel entitled to your anger" - that is VERY VERY unhealthy.
I would start with some personal therapy for YOU, to focus on what exactly do you want. do you want to be married? do you want to marry this man? and of course some couple's therapy so you two can work things out.
I dont wanna seem harsh, but five years????Or, should I put it this way...amarried man??
I understand that things happen...something always comes up and thats the first thing that gets put on the back burner.But, like I told someone once before, If you wanted it bad enough, you'd find a way to do it. If I had to beg steal and borrow to get that divorce, I would. Take bottles back, save change...do you smoke?quit smoking. Cut your grocery bill by 25.00 every week, whatever.....but he needs to take the initiative to do something- you both do.
If he knows how much this means to you and still doenst take it seriously, then its up to you to do something.
Best wishes,