save me from going nuts

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
save me from going nuts
5
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 5:14am

Hello,I am new to this site and joined it because I have real problems with my relationship.My husband has a total asian women fetish - fyi,i am a caucasian with light,curly hair and rather "full figured",nothing like an asian girl.


To start at the beginning,he is not a bad guy -we have been married for almost six years,he is very loving and caring to me,compliments me and tells me he loves me every day,buys me flowers,yadda,yadda,yadda.I have to admit,we dont have sex very often,that was always like that.I think he just doesnt initiate it because hes always afraid of rejection (but to my defense,I am not one to turn down sex often) because when I initiate it,hes up for it,he gets a hard on from hugging me and when we have sex it is verrrrrryyy good.


So by now you are rolling your eyes thinking "whats your problem whiny?".Well,the biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig problem is that he is completely obsesed with asian women,to the point of a fetish,looks at them on the internet any chance he gets - knowing i catch him anyway- and although i know he never physically cheated on me i have caught him chatting with asian women telling them they are of "god like beauty".It is getting to a point where I start despising asian women and spying on him every chance I have.I even deleted all his e-mail accounts and such and am paranoid about him looking at any asians.It is completely shattering my self esteem.


And the bad thing is,I am not even a prude,I know all guys look at porn all i ask off him is to NOT LOOK AT ASIANS,he keeps promising and the does it anyway.My point is,If he is crazy about asians and I have nothing whatsoever in common with them lookswise,his every "i love you" or "you are sexy" sound like lies to me.


This is wrecking a relationship that could be so great,HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 7:51am
No, not all guys look at porn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 1:13pm

Welcome to the board delilahgirl,


Sorry for a lot of married couple's chatting online in the manner that he is chatting with these women, would be unacceptable and even considered cheating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 2:28pm

Welcome to the board,


My suggestion is to seek some marriage counseling for this. It sounds like the two of you have battled this for years with no resolution. I think it is time for some professional help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 3:25pm

he has a wandering eye! today it is asian women, tomm it will be some other ! very difficult to stop for him and very tough for you to bear it. if he was your bf, i would have said dump him but since he is your H, try counselling for a while , it does help sometimes.

My exH had those gorgeous wandering eyes and i couldnt 'cure' it even with the help of a one year counselor.for him it was any woman with a wafer thin waist and mini skirt with high heels! i got stuck up in a MM's lies for a while who turned out to be a womanizer but after all these failed R , now i am with a well-balanced single man and planning to get engaged.

sorry to give my unasked for life history but the point is that people like this sometimes jump from one fetish to another,in my experience.my exH stopped oogling over ( or under!) the mini skirts but later to my shock took over to the ones having a huge cleavage! so, i had to D him.

All men are not alike.my STBH is a real gentleman.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2008 - 3:49pm

I can understand your discomfort with your husband's obsession with Asian women. It certainly is out of bounds for him to be speaking with them on the phone or communicating via email. It does not mean that he doesn't love you, or is not attracted to you, but that he has an obsession or addiction. If he cannot control his behavior, he certainly must face the fact that it is an obsession and that he needs professional help to get over it. All obsessions and addictions grow and this one can certainly get out of hand. let him know that it is destroying your peace of mind and good feelings and that the relationship will be in danger if he does not face what's going on and get the help he needs.


All good wishes,