Saving a relationship with damaged trust
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| Sun, 05-04-2008 - 7:07am |
I need help understanding what I can do to rebuild trust in a long-distance relationship.
The other post has all the details if it matters - I wrote it like it mattered and realize its all detail noise. What I need help with is how to rebuild trust when 1000 miles sperates me from my love, and there is history of lies.
The brief view is I dated a gal for 4 yrs that I knew was wrong and not going anywhere. In the past year I met a great woman and we clicked - she knew about the girlfriend and that I wanted out. I was not strong and let the old relationship linger, trying to find a polite, easy and pain free way out.
Trying to prevent hurt, I stayed when I should have left - in retrospect I was manipulated by the old girlfriend. She was self abusive and created situations where I felt responsible. This created guilt and I wanted to help, so I stayed and in the process lied to girl I'm head over heels for.
So now we are here, it's been a year and I'm finally free of the guilt, manipulation and chaos of the past. The problem is the girl I'm crazy for (Lisa) feels she cant trust me, that what I did in the past is who I am and will always be.
Its not me, I've never been in this situation before - I dont want two relationships or multiple girlfiends; regardless, I've breached the trust and Lisa isnt sure she would ever be able to trust me again. I've told her all I can, I've tried to demonstrate that what I did was not me, but me acting out of feeings of guilt/responsibility.
I want the relationship with Lisa, am fully available and ready, yet the past is hindering being able to go forward.
Please help save us with ideas, advice, guidance and prayer.

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Honestly, i also dont get the OP being a weasel. I disagree as him being weasel-ish. He made a huge mistake , no doubt and is taking full responsibility for his actions.His problem is how to show his sincerity for future ,not forgetting that its a LDR.
OP,i dont have any suggestion.If the girl is worth it, you will find a way.Try the board on LDR.
Good Luck.
Both women knew about each other but you were not 100% honest with them - sneaking out to take calls while one is in the shower, professing that you had sex with the other as a chore instead of how she was involved in it, and so on.
"However, when you're caught in a situation where you're involved its hard to see a path out. I was wrong, yet was working to separate from Jen - it's not that I was actively pursuing two relationships."
It is very simple - you just LEAVE the situation.
Hmm...guess we'll have to agree to disagree.
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