Scared I will get involved again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Scared I will get involved again
3
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:42pm
A couple of years ago, I had an "emotional" affair with a man I worked with. We never had any physical demonstration of our feelings, but I fell in love with him. I was not sure of his feelings for me. He left the job, but I have now found out that he is coming back to work at my company and will be working closely with me again. I can not change that he is coming back to work with me, but I need to find a way not to get emotionally involved with him again. I'm afraid that I am still in love with him. To make this even worse, I am married and love my husband very much. (We were both married at the time we worked together before.) How can I get over this man?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:19pm
It wasn't an emotional affair. It was a one-sided infatuation on your part. You have no idea if this guy feels anything for you, you have no idea if there is physical chemistry between you, you never have been in any kind of relationship with him other than as a co-worker. Keep reminding yourself of these facts, and also about the fact that you "love your husband very much." Stick to the real life relationship you have in your marriage and fantasize about movie stars if it will keep your mind on work at the office. People sometimes say you can't control your feelings and to a certain extent that's true. But not as much as they think. It's a person's thinking that is often times leading directly to their feelings. Take on a different perspective and you will see that you've built something up in your head that doesn't actually exist. And even if it did, if you love your husband you'll overcome those feelings and ignore them. You have control over your own mind and your thoughts. Use it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:34pm
simplyhooked...

Can't you transfer to a different area of the building...or to a different department within the company? Pianoguy is puzzled by one thing.

You're assuming that the feelings you and Mr. Emotional had experienced earlier---are going to SUDDENLY rekindle! How do you know he hasn't gotten married? Found a new girlfriend? Or might be connected with someone else? Your past relationship has been over for quite awhile, correct?

Ask yourself 2 questions:

Do you find fulfillment in your marriage? Are you happy with your husband? If the answer to both these is YES.............

Then act like a grownup and work with Mr. Returnee like you would work with any other co-worker....as a non-attached professional!

If the answer to one or both of my questions is: "I'm not sure".......then get some professional help! YOU are being paid to do a job...not carry-on with a co-worker.

ACCEPT THIS & GET OVER IT!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:44pm
There's nothing to rekindle on his part. She said she didn't even know how he felt about her before.