Scared of monotony

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Scared of monotony
1
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 7:01am
Hello,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years and have lived apart. We decided several months ago that we were ready and wanted to move in together, however had some old bills to pay off and decided to wait until these were taken care of. We are planning to rent a cottage from his parents in June.

Recently, our relationship seemed to move forward very quickly. A month ago, my car died and we were forced to share his and carpool to work. Now, we are combining our money, paying our bills together, shopping together, sharing care for my son and eating dinner together each night, truly sharing the parenting responsibilities. I am very happy about this and it is what I have always wanted, but am suddenly feeling very scared.

My biggest fear about marriage has always been the monotony I see. Now that we have fallen into a routine, (every saturday morning, we wake up and go over finances, then go grocery shopping, then run errands, etc.), I am afraid that this will happen to us once we have lived together for a while. We have a wonderful relationship, a fantastic sex life, and a special bond. But, I have been feeling something changing between us and I don't understand what it is. We are acting like a married couple now, no longer a dating couple, and I find I am unsure of how to adjust. I am even finding our sex life to be routine, which has always been so exciting and spontaneous. What if we get bored, or more to the point, what if he gets bored with me? How do I adjust to this new stage in our relationship and help it stay enjoyable and exciting?

Thank you for the input.

Kerri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 1:29pm
I've never really understood people's fear of monotony. However, I can certainly understand your fear of him becoming bored. I guess I wouldn't worry too much about that if you don't see any warning signs. The thing about routine is that it can become monotonous and boring, or it can be reassuring and give a sense of security. Too much of anything can get boring, however, so I would suggest getting a sitter once-in-awhile and going-out, just the two of you. Or maybe spend a day out as a family. Little things can break-up the monotony, without having to end the relationship. That's an extreme response to a relatively simple and temporary problem. Good luck!