screwed up with best friends
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screwed up with best friends
| Fri, 11-23-2007 - 7:18am |
so i live in university and i really like this guy but the problem is that i had sex with him before i realised i like him. SO othen after 2 months i decided to get closer to him so i thought i should hang out with his best friend thats my neighbour on the campus. so one nigth when i was hanging out with this guy he was coming on to me and honestly i have a problem with saying no (something i need to fix) so i was stupid and slept with his best friend. Twice! so from the last time a month has went by and i feel so bad about myself and every time i see the guy i like i get nervous and cant show i like him in anyway cause honestly i screwed up. but honestly i do reallyt like this guy and i want to fix thing no matter what it takes.

I think you need to look at the situation. You slept with Guy #1 and his best friend Guy #2 twice. Do you really think you can build a strong healthy relationship with Guy #1 knowing you've been with his best friend? I think he would most likely have a problem with it.
It doesn't sound like you have much of a foundation to build a relationship on. Its hard to tell from your post since there isn't much detail regarding the person you like, but personally I think you need to learn from your mistakes. First, figure out why you can't say 'no' and learn to respect yourself. You should respect your body and only share it with those you feel truly deserve to be with you. Sounds kind of silly I'm sure but its true. You are risking your health and your reputation - which most surely will affect how men view you. Secondly, learn more about the men you choose to sleep with prior to going through with it.
This is a complicated situation. It sounds as though you need some help with your feelings and the ways in which you relate with guys. It doesn't help to punish yourself, but it would help to learn better ways of handling emotions and learning how to say no.
In terms of the guy you like, the best would be to talk to him about your feelings. I don't know if he knows that you slept with his best friend. You don't have to bring it up. If he does know, then just include it in the conversation. Tell him you like him a lot and would like to get closer. Right now you are not a couple and do not have an agreement not to sleep with anyone else. Of course it was unwise to sleep with his best friend if you care for him, but that is in the past. See where things stand now. You don't know how he feels unless you actually talk to him about this. It's possible he has feelings for you as well. It's possible he may be open to working on things in the future and building a relationship of mutual trust.
Get some help as you do all this. See a counsellor and work on your self esteem, impulse control and just learning how to the best you can in relationships.
All good wishes,
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Welcome to the board mercedeh,
Do you think your inability to say no comes from low self-esteem and thereby using sex and/or attention as a way to validate yourself as a desirable, loveable woman?