seems we are too different

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
seems we are too different
4
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 7:13am

Hi. My name is Tammy. I have been married for 15 yrs. Three kids, own our home, hubby works all the time, I work part time.

Problems for me:
Hubby never home = no help around house

differt parenting styles is starting to annoy me

i have gained weight, no longer look or feel sexy = not wanting sex (me)

want to quit working and SAH, he thinks I shouldn't

I am wondering if there are too many things to work on, and which do I start with.
I thinnk if I quit working then I can stay home and take care of everything, including our kids!
I have a husband that loves me very very very much. There is never a day that goes by that he doesn't let me know that, but I don't feel like this is a good partnership. I feel like a sidekick.
Is ther hope nad a way to go to fix these issues???
Thanks,
Tammy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:53pm

Welcome to the board tlk11669,


Since he loves you so much, is he willing to listen to your needs and do something about them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:08pm

i happen to believe in SAH moms; unlike much of the feedback you may get from others.

i believe this is no small matter...for your kids and for you. i realize you two can make the changes and give up what you need to give up in order to make that happen. it is important for you, your kids and your family and in your heart you know it.

this is something that i would hope most couples would work out up front, but with that said, it is something that you can figure out with him. if he loves you, like you say, then he will support this change (and others) that are needed for you to feel good about yourself and your family. right now, it seems you don't feel good about either.

with that change, you really can help address many of the other other changes that you need to make for you to feel good about you.

gl with your changes. you have the powere and strength to make the changes you need to make for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 6:01pm

I totally believe in stay-at-home moms, too (or dads, though that's less frequent). It's important for kids to spend as much time with their parents as possible. I understand also that if you're contributing a good chunk of income to the household, he's going to balk at the idea of just not having that money anymore. I guess you could say you're both right.

Can you compromise? Maybe you can take a part-time job instead so you can spend more time in the house, or perhaps you could drop the SAH deal if he promises to take on certain chores that you need help with?

Good luck, I hope you two can come to a solution!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 7:17am
Thanks for all the advice. Didn't realize I sounded so low on myself. I am! I think that maybe SAH for a little bit, and working on things may help. I do contribute quite a bit of money, 300.00 a week. It pays for the kids activities. I could definately squeeze it out of somewhere else.
Anyway DH would do anything for me. He would give me the world, so I am careful what to ask for. I don't want to do it and then him regret it. He tries to help at home but when your gone 7am to 8 pm, it is hard to do, and harder for me to ask!
Well I am going to check out the books and talk to hubby this weekend. We are going away, just us, for a wedding.