A "selfish" dad defends himself

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2013
A "selfish" dad defends himself
4
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 11:52am

The guy in this article (going around on Facebook) has a two-year-old daughter and says being selfish makes him a better dad—he goes out to clubs and spends tons of cash. "I’m not living for her. I’m living for me. Me me me." But by then end, I started to see his point. It made me want to start living a bit more that way, cuz as a mom, I try but who has time. How do you all deal with DHs with busy social lives without resenting them? 

The article:
www.mademan.com/in-defense-of-selfish-dads/

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 11-11-2013 - 11:21pm

Well, no kids in our household, but your blurb sorta rings a bell.  My DH took me so much by surprise when not that many years after we'd been married, I "DUH" realized "it's all about him, isn't it? his concern is about what HE wants - period".  But if a guy is genuinely selfish with his own flesh and blood - his precious daughter - that's a guy who needs to rethink things.  They both have a right to be happy, but she didn't ask to be born and she deserves everything. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2013
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 5:47am

Do you feel you're better off? Artsy interests or not, time away from the home is time away from being present, not to mention the expense. I wonder if this guy's opinion will change when his daughter grows older...or if they have another. Still trying to find the balance myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 11-08-2013 - 1:53am

Well, at least he knows he's selfish!  He's doing to her what was done to him.....which is how he justifies his behavior.  They raised him to be selfish, and his daughter will someday wonder what it would be like to have a full time father who feels she's the most important thing in his life.  But more than likely, she'll never know who this jerk is........unless he's struck by lighning, and he suddenly realizes he's a father, not a playboy.  If his wife has any sense, she'll be talking to a lawyer one day soon. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-07-2013 - 9:02pm

Well I"ll tell you how my marriage to a guy who didn't really want to curtail his "fun" just because he had kids ended up--I did resent him a lot & we got divorced.  I agree with the guy who wrote the article in that I don't think that parents should give up all their fun and interests when they have kids, but look at it this way.  He thinks he's great because if his DW (who seems to feel that being a mom is her primary interest--it doesn't talk about her working) wants to go out, he'll be glad to stay home w/ their child--they spend about ONE night together as a family on the Sabbath--that is seriously not good for a marriage.  My ex's interests weren't artsy or particularly expensive.  He liked playing softball and was in one week night league and one Sunday league--which basically took up all day on Sundays cause they had to hang out & drink beer after the games.  Then he liked going to movies so since he worked nights he could go to movies at odd times.  Meanwhile I had a full time job.  Before we had a child, it didn't matter that much to me if he would go out w/o me because I could just do what I wanted.  I didn't enjoy being tied down at home while he was going out & having fun.  So maybe a 2 yr old doesn't care that much if dad is out every night, but I can tell you that an older child definitely will care if his/her dad is never around.