sending a letter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
sending a letter?
11
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 10:06pm

The man I've been dating for exactly four months just dumped me over the phone two nights ago. His reasons were that we lack similar interests and we don't have phone chemistry. I totally disagree on the fact that we lack similar interests and the phone chemistry part, I get nervous when I talk on the phone with him. I'm not good at having conversations with the guy I like. I'm just happy to hear his voice. We live an hour apart so we saw each other once or twice a week. He had become distant recently. He just basically said we don't have what it takes to for anything long term. He can't see himself getting emotionally attached to me in the future. These are the things that he pointed out and while he was telling me all this, I was silent because I has shocked. I couldn't respond and now after thinking about this for the past two days, I feel like I was unfairly judged.

I want so bad to write him a letter to counter what he said, his reasons for dumping me. I want to tell him why I disagree with his conclusion about dissimilar interests, explain why it's hard for me to talk to him on the phone. He wants to be friends but how can I be friends with him if I have all these unsaid things in my heart?

He has a hard time emotionally attaching to the women he dates. We have both agreed to move slowly from the very beginning. He's been really hurt in the past by a few women and especially one woman he was in an eight year relationship with which totally stripped away his self-esteem. That was two years ago and he had been in counseling for that. He just turned 40. He was married and divorced in his twenties. He's been afraid of making the same mistakes.

I'm not writing him with words to let him know how hurt I am or using words to ask him back, I'm writing to correct the misjudgment so he can see my point of view. Honestly, I'm hoping he changes his mind with my point of view. I have fallen for him and we seem to have so much chemistry together when we were face to face. And no, we never had sex. I was shocked by his words and I couldn't respond. I'm someone who takes time to process things and can't speak up under pressure especially with so much at stake. I want to be heard. Am I making a mistake? I have not sent the letter yet. Thanks for any words of wisdom.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 10:06pm
Just call him and talk to him or visit him.

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