Sensibility or Happiness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Sensibility or Happiness?
3
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 5:54pm
I'm new to ivillage and this is my second post. From what I've been reading everyone here seems to have some great advice and experiences to draw from. My issue is about where to draw the line between sensibility and happiness. After college I got a good job with good pay and lived with a roommate. I then decided to go to grad school (a top notch school with a top notch price tag) and most of it was paid for in loans. Because grad school drained me financially I had no choice but to move back home with my parents. I love my parents and all and we have a decent relationship but I'm very much an independent person and a hard worker so that I can support myself entirely and not have to lean on people. I've been at home for a year now and totally ready to get out this summer. I only have a mediocre paying job..something I quickly grabbed after graduation to start paying back my loans and have been looking for another one and it has been really slow cuz I'm looking for the one that is the right fit for me and little bit more money...a place that I can call my career. Lately I'm not myself nor am I happy being in a "household"/at home...and it is beginning to affect my friendships/relationships with people because I am so short on patience. You would think that I"d be putting 110% effort into finding a new job as my motivating factor to leave home but life at home has left me unmotivated some weeks or too engrossed in my own personal projects to keep up my software skills that are required for my career. So I might let a week or two slip by w/out sending out a resume. I'm trying to make the best of what I have going on in my life right now and I'm grateful that my parents don't charge me rent so I can save some money and pay off bills. My own happiness is important to me and I'm willing to make some sacrafices(mainly financial) to attain that so I've begun looking for places to live. My father is in total disagreeance with me and thinks I'm gonna make another big financial mistake..that I'm gonna move out...realize I can't afford it and he's gonna have to bail me out to come back home. He thinks this cuz 3 years ago I worked my butt off at my first job and leased the car I loved...I underestimated the miles that I would put on the car cuz I didn't expect to go to grad school. And of course grad school and the expense there. The one thing that these have in common is that they are all semi-adult decisions/experiences that I made on my own and left my parents out of for advice on. I'm not a flighty person, I put a lot of thought and feeling into what I do before I do it. I say live and learn and move on...without mistakes in life how would anyone "grow"? I don't regret any of those decisions...I'm finished with my education early on and I love my car and take really good care of it and bought it so that I can begin paying it off. I've already saved some money (not a years worth of rent but enough to get started) for moving and don't need to buy a single thing for an apartment since I have it all already. I think moving out will help salvage my relationships with everyone in my life and the first step towards settling down in this new chapter in my life. And I'm willing to take on a weekend job and have my boyfriend help me with a budget once I move, since he's really great with that stuff, and the only person who seems to be putting up with me and supporting me on all of this. Help...I don't know if I should just suck it up at home until I have a new job with a little bit more money or make some sacrafices and take that first step towards getting my life together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:41pm
How far out have you thought about your bills, budget and living arrangements? While you may have over estimated the miles on your first car, hopefully your dad has seen some improvement on your judgment..... is he just being negative or does he have valid points?

Hopefully, someone else will have some good advice.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:30pm
I haven't crunched actual numbers yet but I know that I have no choice at the moment with my current salary that I have to have a roommate (which is what I actually prefer..rather than living alone) and it'll have to be pretty low rent. Surprisingly I have actually come across a couple of nice people who are looking and their rent is in my budget. I know that until I find a higher paying job that I'll have to stick to some sort of budget. My bills are pretty stable right now, I don't have anything huge coming up and I always keep an emergency reserve of money in case something unexpected was to happen like a car accident or something of that nature. I think my dad is just being negative; with my car and the extra miles, that was a situation that I couldn't do anything about once the extra miles started piling on because I was in grad school and could only manage a part time job with a full course schedule. I make enough and have saved enough to pay everything each month if I move out...there just won't be a lot left over for frivilous things. And those are only little things that make me happy...the bigger picture of happiness for me is being on my own and in my own element. But I think if not having the little things for a time being begins to bother me then I'll have to work for it and seek out options like over time or a small side job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 12:20am
How wild, I've been in your exact boat! I moved in with my parents for the last 3 years it took me to earn my PhD. I was hurting financially and they took care of me, but worried a lot when I finally left home, again. I was $48K in debt with student loans (I'd done a masters before the PhD with no scholarships because I'd changed majors from fine arts undergrad to biochemistry graduate, ka ching!) and I'd just bought a new (to me) car. I took a $34K/year postdoc in a city 6 hours away and struggled at that for three years. Now I'm making a 6 figure salary after some creative resume mailing. It's all been a little amazing, but believe in yourself and keep going. It will happen, and your education is yours, something you worked hard for and can use for the rest of your life to earn cashola and maintain independence!

My parents are super proud of me and we all look fondly back on the time I lived with them, even though I could barely afford the gas to fill the used car to drive to grad school each day. It was great being close to them again and I miss that. You're going to do fine. I did, just stay positive, don't worry about rejection on the job front, and before you know it, you'll be riding the financial gravy train!! I promise.