Separate checking accounts
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Separate checking accounts
| Thu, 03-11-2004 - 4:57pm |
Hi, this is my first time posting here. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. One of our recurring problems has been money. He gets very upset when I forget to give him receipts and when I spend too much money. I've been really good about giving him receipts lately.
Well today our account was overdrawn and he was sooo mad at me. I didn't think it was my fault. WHen I went shopping I asked him which credit card I should use...so he knew. But there is no talking to him when he's upset.
Anyway, he says he wants to get separate accounts....he's been wanting to do this for a while. I don't...I think it's because I feel like since we are married we have to have joint accounts. However, lately I am realizing a lot of married couples have separate accounts. Am I making too big a deal of this? Should I just get a separate account and be done with it? It just makes me nervous.....like first separate accounts next separate lives....
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!!
Rosemarie


But, not necessarily in the way I think that you're thinking about doing it.
Ideally, you have a joint account that you both contribute to in equal percentages of your income (not equal $$ amount unless you both actually make the same amount) for monthly bills. Sit down and estimate your monthly expenses - rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, misc. expenditures for repairs - whatever falls into that category - some people put car notes in there - some don't.
But anyway - you have a joint account and whoever is the most reliable and responsible will be in charge of it. You both contribute the % amount upon being paid immediately, and that person pays hte bills out of that account. IT's basically a pass thru account, with some small $$ left in there so that fees aren't incurred or the account closed out. And you'd do well to overestmate your monthly bills by some small % - so that if you run higher on something that isn't calculated to the penny you're not scramblign at the end of the month.
You need a second account - preferrably a savings...that again you contribute equal % to every month...for semi and annual bills - house insurance, taxes, house repairs, anything that comes up in your lives on an annual or semi-annual basis that is not a month expenditure. Generally in this account at the end of th eyear if you've padded it a little in terms of how muc is necessary - you'll find yourself with an overage that can be spent elsewhere - christmas or vacation or something.
Then, whatever income you have left after contributing your percentage to these accounts - is YOURS. You pay your own car notes, student loans, clothes, fuel, personal credit cards, etc. Taht way each of you always have money of your own, nobody perceives they're paying bills from pre-marriage debt, and you don't have to ask for an allownace, or report in as if you're married to an IRS agent, bookkeeper or jailer, leaving you feeling that you're 5 years old and he's got power over you.
In your personal income column...yo'd be wise to put a pecentage of what is yours to keep in savings. For unexpected expenditures, for the next car you want to buy, teh new house or investments that you may pool your funds to purchase, or for vacations - so that you can each contribute equally and probably have more to spend on luxurious vacations than you would if you were operating from one set of operating funds.
Take note....I've seen people use this system and find out precisely how monetarily irresponsible and immature their partners are and THAT will cause more conflict, PERHAPS. No guarantees. If your partner is able to contribute their percentage ot each account, save, pay their own debts and still have spending money - and you make about the same and are always "needing a loan" - you're quite likely NEVER to be regarded as a financial equal - not in terms of earning potential, but in terms of fiscal responsibility. And that is a strain on a marriage - wondering if the person that you've married is getting you inappropriately and unknowingly into debt becuase they've never "managed money" - they've just always spent it all.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
well, IF everything else in your marriage is ok, then erin's suggestion (or other similar ideas that are roaming aroudn out there ) is fine.
of course, there is the big IF. because when i read your message, i got goosebumps, because your husband sounds EXACTLY like my STBX, meaning a very very controlling and abusive person. this man is your husband, and i know how annoying it is when the bookkeeping doesn't add up, etc but that is no excuse for him to get SO angry at you. i can tell you stories, i still can't believe i lived that way for 7 years, but the point is - what else is going on in your marriage?
i know how annoying it is when the bookkeeping doesn't add up, etc but that is no excuse for him to get SO angry at you. i can tell you stories, i still can't believe i lived that way for 7 years, but the point is - what else is going on in your marriage?
It can be more than annoying if you can't pay bills because the bookkeeping doesn't "add up correctly"
I too am not sure which way to read this, he could be being WAY too controlling with the money, she could be way to flippant with money, and more likely it is somewhere in between.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
Many healthy, happy couples have separate accounts. There's absolutely
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Thanks again!
My parents had that same fight every month of my childhood. It was ALWAYS the same fight over - someone taking money out of the bank and not putting the slips in the checkbook, now the account is overdrawn. I was pretty darn tired of hearing this fight, so I KNOW they were tired of having it. It never got solved. What a PITA - LOL.
So, yes, I think seperate checking accounts is a good idea. It doesn't mean you have seperate lives or even seperate money. The only difference is where the money is sitting before it gets spent. You can still work together on the budget, decide what your financial goals are, how much discresionary money you both get, and so on. You just keep your money in a couple different accounts.