Seriously?? SERIOUSLY??What next??
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|Wed, 08-20-2014 - 10:13pm|
Tomorrow will be my tenth anniversary. We dated for two years before we married. We had a wonderful life together throughout our courtship and the first four years of our marriage was wonderful. We had a VERY active sex life so I was blind-sided to say the least when four years in I found out he was having an affair. We had worked very hard to save the marriage after I found out. Therapy and so on... I made him totally accountable for what he did and he had ( and still is ) working very hard to save our relationship. We did couensling for three years after I found out. We did individual sessions and couples. So, about two years ago he starts looking at porn. As long as it was a rare occurance I really was not alarmed. But it became an everynight thing. After the affair our sex life suffered for quite awhile ( as to be expected ) but eventually went back to normal...in some ways even better. I have always been shy when it comes to sex and in the last fews years kinda got over that and if anything I am more wild then ever...or was :( he went back into therapy over the constant porn issue. He has always had a very, VERY high sex drive. A short while back it come out in therapy that as a very small child ( between the age of two until ten or so ) that his father would tell his mother he was taking my husband "fishing". Instead my husband would sit outside winter,spring summer and fall for hours on end in the car while his dad sat in a strip joint. If he was lucky his dad might remember to bring him a pop to drink. My husband said very often some of the girls would bring guys out the back door and have sex with them outside the car ( once it happened right on the hood of the car ) while he could see/hear everything.Once when he got out of the car to urinate he saw a man having sex with someone behind a car...and realized it was his dad. If that wasnt enough to mess up a kids head his uncle started sexually abusing him when he was six and it continued until he was 11 ( his uncle died ). My husband has a very cold family...no hugs...no " I love you's"...no talking. He once told me he had no one to go to...no one to tell when he was little.
Well, my husband is still in therapy. Two days ago they asked me to join a session because he wanted to share something. Long story short...my husband told me that he sexually abused his two of his three sisters from the time he was around ten till he was fifteen. He has two sisters a few year older and one younger. It involved touching and looking and him masturbating. I am sickened. I am repulsed. I am shocked and confused.
My husband is a hard worker. People love him..he helps the neighbors when needed ( we farm ). He has never hit me. He never has even called me a name like "stupid" when we argue. Since the affair he has done everything asked of him to make things right...right down to the day I said the porn had become an issue and he stopped and started therapy. He does not drink...does not go to bars. Is very financially responsive.
Please realize if some ( or all ) of what I am writing makes no sense it is because I just fount out like 48 hours ago and I am shocked. I dont know what I should be feeling...or what I should be doing. I am so confused...all three of his sisters have never ever acted as though anything was out of the norm for them concerning their brother...they laugh, joke and come around. Invite us over to their house and cabin in the summer. And while they are def. not mushy, mushy emotional people as I said...when My husband had surgery they would call to see how he was. Do I leave him? Do I continue with my marriage?? I love my husband. I know my husband loves me...but will my love change now..or just leave. I am so sad and confused. :(