Sex after disrespect in marriage
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Sex after disrespect in marriage
| Fri, 10-08-2004 - 10:34am |
About six months ago I found out that my husband of 3 years had lied to me about alot of his past. He lied to me about his porn use, which was pretty much daily, his emotional affairs - he claimes he never "physically" cheated, but to me emotional cheating is just as bad as physical. He lied about contacting other women through email to send naughty messages to each other, he has constantly checked out other women while we are out - not just the typical noticing that people do - like burning holes through these women. It all stopped about two months ago. He has put a major effort into changing how things are, and in all fairness to him, things have really changed for the better.
My problem is that I am not wanting to have sex with him anymore. I just feel like I am demeaning myself with him because of his lack of respect for me and our marriage. I feel so guilty turning him down for sex. Before all of this we had an amazing sex life. He agrees that it was great, yet he still behaved this way. Things were great emotionally, too. He tells me how great things were, but when I asked why he lied to me for so long and behaved the way he did all he says is, "I don't know. I was so stupid, I could have lost you, etc".
My problem is that I am not wanting to have sex with him anymore. I just feel like I am demeaning myself with him because of his lack of respect for me and our marriage. I feel so guilty turning him down for sex. Before all of this we had an amazing sex life. He agrees that it was great, yet he still behaved this way. Things were great emotionally, too. He tells me how great things were, but when I asked why he lied to me for so long and behaved the way he did all he says is, "I don't know. I was so stupid, I could have lost you, etc".
Now I'm not wanting to have sex with him because I feel like we need to focus more on the emotional things in our marriage. I am scared to death if I don't start having sex with him again, he will physically cheat on me. I hate withholding sex from him, because I really want to feel that kind of intimacy with him, it just doesn't feel right about it.
Am I crazy for feeling this way? Should I just put it aside and have sex with him? Am I carrying a grudge about this? Please help!
Signatures On
| Sat, 10-09-2004 - 1:04pm |
look - you feel (and you are not wrong in feeling this way IMHO) - that he cheated on you, and disrespected you for the past three years. so you can't just "move on", after he supposedly "saw the light" and started acting ok for two months. in any relationship, when one partner cheated and the couple wishes to remain in the relationship - it is strongly recommended that they seek professional counseling. you can't just MOVE ON, and it is NOT about holding a grudge.
