Sex Disagreements...may break up
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Sex Disagreements...may break up
| Fri, 09-03-2004 - 1:47am |
I am 23 and my bf and I have been dating for almost 4 years now. Recently, within the past few months, I have noticed a change. My libido has decreased, which he is very unhappy about. I have also been on the pill for almost 4 years. I am also in school and have other issues weighing on my mind. I believe this may be the cause of my decreased libido. Now he is thinking that it is him, I am no longer attracted to him as well as a bunch of other thoughts that arent true. Although I tell him how I feel he cant help but to think of these things. Right now we have sex about once a week. This still is not enough to satisfy him and we find ourselves arguing about this issue all the time. I am so tired of it. I dont know what to do but I think this might be the end of us, sad as it sounds. I do not want to get off the pill and I dont want to do anything I dont want to do. I cant see meeting him in the middle, because what is the middle? He agrees it wouldnt be right for me to just do it for him even if I didnt want to. But what can be done? He tells me that I need to take care of him. A lot of the time, I am tired or dont feel good or just simply not in the mood. He insists that I need to do something about this and that I need to change and there is nothing he can do to fix this. he makes me feel threatened by saying that he could leave me and find another girl who would give it to him whenever he wants it. And I tell him to do it then after being so fed up with arguing. After we argue and argue, he said that we were going to break up soon because he needs it atleast 2x a week and I cant give that to him and we cant figure out a way to meet in the middle so he says we are screwed and will break up soon. He also says it will be my fault when we break up b/c I dont want to do anything to help this matter. I really dont know what to do about this and I could use all the advice you can give. We have had this arguement so many times and it never gets anywhere....its like a viscious circle. The result is never good. We argue and I leave crying and he is upset and we are both confused on what will happen to us in the near future. Please help!

I got married a year ago, I'm only 20 and he's 28. Before and right after we got married...we were unstopable (sorry if it's 2 much info) but it was great. Then he decided to completely change careers and go back to school and we decided to move. Now he goes to work at 8 and most of the time he gets home from school at 12. Now we are having sex anywhere from once every month or 2 times a month. I was a virgin until I met him, so maybe thats why it was such a shock when it went from a few times a week to once a month...but it upset me and hurt me and I felt unloved, ugly...you name it, I thought it. I talked to him about it and it became clear how hard school and work has been on him (which i'm sure it's the same for you). You have every right to not want to have sex whenever he wants, and he has no right to try and make you and then threaten you about it! If he really loved you he'd try to see things from your point of view and actually listen. You deserve SO much more!
Still though, relationship wise, I think it's time for a hard look at you relationship with your boyfriend. If you stay together, get married, have kids, etc. you will go thru times in your life where sex takes a HUGE backseat. If this an indication of how he'll behave five years from now, you are in for a hard time.
Try posting on the Clashing Libidos Board. There's lots of great advice from men and women experiencing the same things on that board.