sex during a seperation

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
sex during a seperation
7
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 12:59pm
Ok my husband and I have been separated for about 4 months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 2:26pm

You should only be having sex with other people if you're intent on divorce. Being separated isn't the end of your relationship, if you're thinking of mending your marriage then what better way to ruin that than to sleep with someone else? I'm not trying to admonish you, I just hope you're clear on what you want because the actions you're taking say "I don't want my marriage anymore".

Why don't you take a little time (without a man) to decide whether or not you want to make your marriage work? That's what a separation is for... Make sure you know what you want before you take a drastic action either way.

I don't think telling him about sex with another man during your separation is entirely necessary. If he asks, he deserves honesty, but I wouldn't see a reason to come right out and confess. On another note, I'm not sure why he has to "give up" a woman he just has feelings for, if he's not dating her then he doesn't exactly have anything to give up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 3:00pm
Should you decide to keep quiet about your encounter with your friend, be sure to NEVER mention your huband's friend, at work. To do anything else would definitely be hypocritical.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 4:45pm

You ask <

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 6:34pm

Are you THE mrs. piggy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 8:41pm

Welcome to the board mrspiggy,


It really doesn't sound like either of you are really that commited to making the marriage work. If you were he wouldn't be interested in some woman at work and you wouldn't have sex with a friend.


If you really do want to make things work you are going to have to go to marriage counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 10:09am
I disagree about the sex with friend part . You better lay that on the table right now ! If not it will most certainly come back to bite you in the hind end ! If you do work things out , Its going to be terrible for that to come sneaking out some unexpected moment .
Trust me I know .
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 11:58am

You both have no clue what you want out of the marriage. He can't possibly have "feelings" for a woman and then the next week committed to you. You felt detached enough from the marriage to have casual sex. Neither of you are really going to make it in this marriage. Let it be. Nothing wrong with that, just realize what it is and make some steps to end it.

I was in a separated position, but will full intentions of divorcing. Usually separated means "working on our own issues separately in order to return as a couple to try it again." Not for me, he may have thought we were "trying" but I made it clear I'm just buying time to learn the divorce process on my own. I had dated by month 3 and found a wonderful man by month 4 of my separation. We started dating exclusively, then I knew I needed to just get a lawyer and stop trying to learn the process on my own.

You stated you guys were going to work on things, but then he faltered. Since both were not committed to that TYPE of separation, it failed. I think in your position, with what has happened, you guys don't have a lot of hope on either end. There's no need to tell him about the friend, and I wouldn't go telling others either. Move on.

What does your counselor say?