sex for the first time

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
sex for the first time
9
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 11:15pm
I am dating this guy for 10 weeks now. It has been good. We see each other once or twice a week and we talk every day. We seem to be getting more serious. We have heavy make out sessions and I am at a place where I feel ready to have sex with him however, I am afraid that he will not understand that this will be my first time...I am a 38 year old virgin. I have told him early on that when I feel ready to have sex, I will just let him know. He has been willing to wait. How do I bring it up...that I am a virgin? I have been in situations where men have broken up with me because those men would not wait for sex but with this guy it has been different. I know my body is ready for sex and am not quite sure if I am emotionally ready for it. Any insightful comments would be very helpful. Thanks in advance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 12:49pm

Welcome to the board trustlove8,


If he were a virgin, how would you want him to tell you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 12:56pm

Welcome to the board trustlove8,


If you feel like you are ready to have sex with him, than before you do and outside of the bedroom tell him that the reason you wanted to wait was because you are a virgin. Since he has been willing to wait to have sex, I really think he will be understanding about it.


You might want to visit the let's talk about sex board. Let me know if you want a link to it.


Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 10:38pm
Thanks for your thoughts. I think I want to make sure we are serious before we have sex-I think that's the emotional part I'm trying to describe. However, he just told me yesterday that he's not ready to meet my friends yet and want to keep it low key for now. To me that means he's not serious yet and want to keep things casual for now (i invited him to a party one of my best friends is throwing and my sister will be there). Unless, I'm interpreting it wrong. Is what he told me last night a red flag? He has told me from the very beginning that it takes him time to warm up. So, I don't think I will have sex with him but should I even tell him I'm a virgin?


Edited 5/13/2008 10:41 pm ET by trustlove8
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-13-2008 - 11:28pm

Personally, to me, a relationship develops in stages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 05-14-2008 - 2:02pm
I don't think what he said was a red flag, but it does indicate that he doesn't want to be serious yet and that is all the reason you need to wait on having sex with him. Really telling him about being a virgin is up to you, but if you are considering sleeping with him then I think it is a good idea to bring it up to him at some point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 11:18pm
Thanks for all your helpful responses. So, I told him last week about my virginity. He was okay with it at first but just this past weekend, he this is becoming an issue among other problems he is just letting me know.
He is feeling the pressure of responsibility of having sex with me for the first time. He is afraid how I would feel if things don't work out between us if we were to have sex. He has started to distance himself and I don't know what to do. I am reacting to his distance by distancing myself at the same time.
He is starting to give off signs of breaking things off with me. He has just complained about our distance (we live an hour from one another), about our hobbies (he has focused hobbies and mine are more varied or you might say he thinks I don't have any), about our different backgrounds (cultural and social) and I'm sure there is more on his running list. I have just learned that he is the one who leaves first in all of his relationship. He has told me that he not sure where we are heading and has not made any decisions about us.
My guard is up right now and I am scared. Should I walk away? Should I stay, be strong and work out his issues? I am falling for him and he is a good worthy man. I know I still don't really know him yet since we have started dating in March. I am hestitant in taking the risk and getting hurt. Please, any advice would be much appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 7:09am
I do think you should walk away. I think his objection to having any "responsibility" toward you by having sex with you said a lot. It means he's not convinced to stay with you for any amount of time, and I do think it's important to spend your first time with someone who wants to be with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 12:43pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 12:46pm
Too late, she already told him.




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