Sex life problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2014
Sex life problems
5
Wed, 04-09-2014 - 2:20am

Hi

Looking for some advice.
I am a 36 year old man and my wife is 34.
Married 6 years very happily
2 kids - 4 and 2 yrs old
Our sex life was great until 7 months into pregnancy no 2. Probably made love at least 3 times per week which satisfied us both. Since then once every 3-4 weeks which isn't enough for me
I feel I have tried everything. I do a lot round the house chore wise and look after the kids on my own on 2 nights per week to give her time for her. My job means I am good at understanding emotional needs so feel I have really listened and done all I can to ensure she doesn't feel "just a mum". Financially very secure.
I have tried a number of things in terms of the sex - date night, romance, suggestions to spice things up, and have told my wife directly I am not happy
I feel we are very young to be saying goodbye to this part of our life but really don't know what else to do. I love my family and would not jeopardise that, however really feel this is starting to affect me. Am I just supposed to accept this for the next 30 years.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 04-09-2014 - 11:16pm

What was her response when you told her you weren't happy?  If she won't talk to you, then find her someone that she CAN talk to.  Just because you're trained or are good at recognizing emotional needs, doesn't mean you can do that with a family member.....you're personally involved.  Surgeons don't operate on their wives!  Look into getting some marriage counseling, for BOTH of you.......it can't hurt, and it might help. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-09-2014 - 10:38am

duplicate

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-09-2014 - 10:32am

I am thinking that when you have a 4 yr old and 2 yr old, as the mom you are just tired all the time.  Kids are hanging on you all day and

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-09-2014 - 10:32am

I am thinking that when you have a 4 yr old and 2 yr old, as the mom you are just tired all the time.  Kids are hanging on you all day and sometimes it just makes you feel  like the DH is just another person who wants something from you and you just want to go to sleep.  If you could do it, going away for a weekend w/o the kids might be a good idea.  And I'd say that just because things are down in that area now, doesn't mean it's going to be permanent.  Try to be patient for a while.  Also it's nice to get together and do things like holding, cuddling, giving a massage where you can tell your DW that you just want to enjoy being close and you don't want her to feel pressured to have sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Wed, 04-09-2014 - 8:34am

You've only told us your side of the story, what is your wife's response to your telling her that you are not happy about the lack of sex?  Has she spoken to her doctor about this?  Is it just that she's lost interest, is tired, does sex cause her pain?  Having two children changes a woman, on many levels.  Does she have any girlfriends she can talk to about this?  There are a myriad of reasons why your sex life has slowed down, we don't live in your home and don't see what is going on.  Perhaps some counseling for the both of you may bring about a better understanding of the situation? 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein