Sex life?...What's that?
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| Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:49pm |
a bit of background info: My BF & I have been together for a year and a half. I am 21 and he is 27. We've lived together since we were dating for 6 months. We did the long distance thing for about 9 mths, because he worked 10 days on 4 days off out of town, until about 6 mths ago. We now have a normal lifestyle, where we see eachother everyday.
Here's my question... when he was working out of town, he would come home for 4 days and we would have sex sometimes 3-4 times a day, everday, i guess we would just get as much of it as we could before he had to leave for work again... but now, since we live together, and see eachother everyday, it seems like our sex has come to a screeching hault. I'm really lucky if we have sex twice a month now. seriously! sometimes only once a month!
I've confronted him about it, and asked him many times why he doesn't come on to me anymore, or every time i try, he rejects me. He tells me he is stressed and exhausted from work (we both work very long hours and he just started a new job with a very important promotion). Also, we just found out that a couple, who we are friends with, are pregnant, totally by mistake. He also uses that as an excuse, that I will get pregnant and that that is the last thing he needs in his life right now, even though I am on the pill. Instead he just witholds it from me, i just don't get it. When we are lying there, he always says, see i just want to cuddle with you, isn't this nice? and i'm just like, Yeah it is, but!
Now i wouldn't say i have a sex drive that is over the top, but i feel it's so important to keep the sex in your life. Right now, we have none. I'm afraid to see what we will be like in 5 years, especially if this is already happening when we've only been dating for a year and a half!! please some advice : )

Clearly your boyfriend has a problem about sex. His behavior is not healthy or natural, and right now, you can't really call this relationship a male-female relationship, it's basically a friendship. It's odd that he expects you to go without sex and thinks nothing of it, just wants to cuddle. As I don't know him, I do not know the reasons for his withdrawl in this area. Most likely, he does not know either, despite the excuses he gives. You have to decide what it is you need in a relationship. Of course it is healthy and natural to want sex. It doesn't mean your drive is over the top, it means you don't want to be deprived and rejected. On-going rejection like this is not good for you. It can damage your self esteem and make you feel undesirable. Ask yourself why you are staying in a situation like this? Unless he is willing to go and get professional help to work things out, it's not likely that things will change. Just realize that this is his problem, it is not because of you. And, even though you may like him as a person, unless you can work this out, this is not a healthy situation for you.
Best wishes,
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