Sex with the over weight

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Sex with the over weight
1
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 11:49am
To anyone willing to give me some advice,

I have recently started a relationship with a really great guy. This is the first semip-serious relationship I've had in some time and I would really like it to work out but we have already hit a bump in the road. He is a (or was) a 24 year old virgin and about 70 pounds overweight. He wanted me to be his first and after some discussions we picked a night and decided to 'pop his cherry' so to speak. Now, I dont mind that he's a big guy becuase I'm not exactly a super model mself but I didnt realize that it could impead our love making. His penis when erect is about 4 inches and no thicker then someones middle finger. Most of the time during sex I couldnt even feel him inside, I could only feel when it fell out and he was humping my leg instead of us having sex. With the size of his penis and the size of his body getting in the way, I'm coming to dread making love to him, but he's such a virgin that he can't even give me oral sex. I desperatly want this relationship to work but I could use some advice on our sexual compatibility.

Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-23-2004 - 12:16pm
You've got alot intertwined, let's dissect.

Okay, so if he weren't such a large guy - would that size of an organ bother you? Is that too small or large for your preference?

Oral sex....lots of guys don't "give" oral sex. He's claiming he's a virgin - exactly how can tell that on a man? - and you're cutting all sorts of slack. It definitely sounds as if he lacks experience sexually. But oral sex - while it is an artform just like giving great BJ's....is something that is learned with practice and nothing else. And here's where lots of people can't dissect reality from want. If a person doesn't WANT to GIVE oral sex...they're more than likely willing to get it. And you giving it to them, doesn't mean that they must reciprocate in kind. I've been married 4 times, not once did any of those guys ever CONSIDER giving oral sex to me. I didn't get that pleasure until 38 with the guy I'm with now. And admittedly, it's not as frequently as I give it to him and nobody's complaining.

You don't give the culture he's from....but that is an issue in some cultures. In others, it's de riguer. So taht's something to consider...that no matter how much "experience" he gets with you - he might never want, desire, or give oral sex to you. Can you live with it - becuase it is something to discuss with him at osme point if this continues, and it's important for you to know if it's a "breaking point" with you before you initiate the discussion.

Body size is an issue - but unless it is truly excessive you ought to be able to find a few positions that work quite well and aren't that physically exhausting. When body size is a factor, there are a few positions that won't work, or won't work as enjoyably just because of the size. You don't say where most of his additional weight is located...is it a beer belly...or is it more of a flabby chest and arms? No matter what it is, probably you on top is going to provide you both with more pleasure, and you with more control being as you have the experience, that's a good idea.

Doggie style might work physically well, and it also might work mentally well for him. NOT having to look at your face which might be presenting him with self-induced pressure or anxiety, and being able to get a more clear view of a female's anatomy in that area - might provide him with a greater understanding of what pleasure sex and foreplay might bring - besides just humping, and ineffectively at that.

Personally, I wouldn't do it...but I know a few women friends who've had no problem "teaching their lovers how to be lovers" and most said that took about a year or so, whereas most experienced couples new to each other take a month or so get fully comfortable and aware of what gives each other and themselves the most pleasure with this new partner. It would be a turnoff for me to have to teach a guy - knowing me, I'd consider it lessons and want to be paid LOL! And it'd probably turn them into monks because my athletic and aggressive approach isn't something that can be "imitated" per se, and that wouldn't be ideal if it were attempted and I'd likely scare an inexperienced guy to death. My SO now of about four years has been with more women in his 45 years, than I've met in my 41.....and even he admitted a few weeks into our physical intimacy beginning that he was a little intimidated...."That first night, I was pretty sure you were going to eat me alive, and I figured well, I've got to go sometime and it sure might as well be doing this"....now he just refers to it as "I will never get enough of watching you do that to me, you blow my mind along with everything else."

Erin

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