Sex trouble
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Sex trouble
| Tue, 02-10-2004 - 12:33pm |
Major trouble in this marriage. We've never been happy sexually. Husband wants explicit sex acts. I feel his issuing commands like "Come here and pull down your pants" (in the kitchen) is showing a lack of respect and makes me feel like a whore. I don't know what to do. He says if I can't respond to these types of things and get into it, he won't be happy and will leave. He claims to love me and is attracted to me. He wants me to think about sex, plan surprises for him, and role play. Are all men like this? He says they are. If they aren't, they are wimps not acting on their desires. Do I have a problem? Should I enjoy explicit things like this? HELP!

You only have a problem because he's demanding something from you that you don't feel comfortable with AND he doesn't care that you don't feel comfortable with it. That's not love.
Carrie
I think that everyone is different in their sexual desires. Some like this demanding stuff, some like bubble baths and candles, and everything in between. There is nothing "wrong" with any of it. It's just different. I think it has to do with the way people are wired. What is wrong is when someone demands that his or her partner be turned on in ways that he or she isn't. It's one thing to explore different things together and find new ways to turn each other on, but it's quite another when someone threatens a partner if he or she doesn't perform in a particular way.
As for all the other men, maybe every man has a fantasy of getting sex on demand. I don't know. My husband has a fatasy of a threesome, but since I am not comfortable with it, it's not going to happen. He accepts that, not because he is a wimp, but because he understands boundaries and would never want me to do anything I was uncomfortable with.
Well, what is obvious is that you are not enjoying the sexual part of your relationship, and most likely niether is he because he wants you to enjoy sex the way he does.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
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