Sex...guilt trips?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Sex...guilt trips?
Sat, 11-17-2012 - 8:44pm

Hi everyone-

I will first start off by saying that I have a bit of an anxiety problem, so these questions may seem completely irrational to some of you. Please bear with me... sometimes I just need another opinion.

Anyway, have any of you experienced (given/received) any form of guilt tripping when it comes to sex? And when does it cross the line from expressing your wants/needs/concerns to a guilt trip?

Here are two scenarios: when SO and I first starting dating, (had not had sex) we were fooling around and he basically asked me if I was going to go down on him. I told him I didn't know, because I had never ahem, "not spit it out" before and I didn't know if he was expecting that. So he replied, "Ok, I guess I can go to into the bathroom." Sounded sad and disappointed. I assume implying that if I didn't do it, he would go finish himself. I kind of took it like, "i GUESS i can go the bathroom if you WON'T." Second scenario: I have told SO in the past that I felt like I had been doing a lot more sexually for him than I was getting (not sure if that was true, but how I felt). Specifically with oral sex. I asked, when will it be my turn? Or, I've given you many O's, am I going to get some too? Seems immature looking back.

Anyway, do you think things like this really bad? These things don't happen now that our relationship is much more mature, but I feel guilty for ever trying to pressure him. I feel bad if he was trying to pressure me. I don't know if that is even the case. Should I be worked up about this or does this seem commonplace? Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 2:10am

At the upper right if you click on "boards" it'll take you to categories of available boards - there's a whole section of boards called sex and sexuality, where I think you'll get a lot more responses.  You'll get some here, too, just responding.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 11:10am

If these things don't happen any more & you have worked things out, then why worry about the past?  By the way, I don't think it's pressure if you ask your partner to do things that please you--you should be able to express your needs and you don't want a one sided relationship where only one person's needs are being met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 1:18pm
My boyfriend, he's 15 yrs older by the way, wants me to do to him what he should be doing to me, and I'm terribly frustrated with him. He guilt trips me all the time and I'm thinking of saying "goodbye." I don't mind helping once in awhile but not every time. I just am not enthusiastic but I'll do it for him, but this is rather one-way. It's not that I "trade this for that," either. I'm very patient but really enjoy my womanly role in the bedroom.