Sexless Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2004
Sexless Marriage
1
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 12:46am
My husband and I have been married for 4 years. Of those 4 years, 3 of them have been without sex with each other. My husband has had this problem of not having sex in committed relationships since he became sexually active. Our relationship started as a committed relationship but the sex declined shortly before getting married. This is my husband's second marriage and my first. I've never had a problem in my relationships (sexually) and this problem mystifies me.

We have gone to marriage counseling together; the first time to a therapist that was too rigid on his cancellation policies (7 days prior) but was pretty good on therapy (my husband had to travel a lot for business at that time) and the second one to a therapist that wanted to be with my husband herself (a complete UNprofessional). We are a little burned out on counseling but I have hope that this marriage can be dealt with in counseling of some type.

My husband is seeing a new counselor SPORADICALLY now but he has told me that he has told the counselor (and the counselor is convinced) that the problem lies with me. He told me that I am not a very sexual person and that the 40 pounds that I've gained since we've met is a big turn-off. I now weigh 175 pounds. I can deal with the weight problem but the accusation that I'm not a sexual person is just way off.

We are swaying between dealing with this problem as a sexual (animal attractiveness) or intimacy (emotional) problem. We need help but I'm not sure where to turn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: woman_1
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 5:11am

well, i think the key here is that both you and your husband AGREE that YOU (plural) have sexual issues in the marriage. its not going to help either of you to be "blaming" the other, the point is that there ARE problems and they need to be solved.


from what you are describing about your husband's history, it sounds as if he does have more severe problems. it is common for men with sexual dysfunction to be blaming their wives. and whatever the source is - emotional, physical, both, when there is sexual dysfunction in a marriage, it brings on other issues.