Sexy & Wild

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sexy & Wild
2
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 3:42pm
My boyfriend wants me to take control during sex; he wants me to be the initiator, a sexy controlling, demanding, wild lover. I would love to be able to take controle and have my way with him, but it just never happens because I am just to shy and unexperienced.

I have also had some bad sexual experiences in the past and was part of an abusive relationship before we first got together and this has really taken a toll on my self-confidence. My man is aware of all my bad experiences to a certain extent but does not think that it should play a part in me taking control of our sex life. He thinks that I am not attracted to him and that I do not like having sex with him when that is not it at all, im just shy and unfamiliar with certain sexual activities.

During our time together I have become a lot more open with him then I have with any other man and tried things I thought I would have never tried before. He has asked me in the past to be more vocal in bed and let him know where I like it and how I like it etc. I have done that and must admit that it has made a definite improvement. To him that is not a big enough step for me to take, the other night he told me that he would not make the first move again until I stepped up to the plate. It’s not that I don’t want to or don’t think about it ALL the time but when it comes down to taking action I just cant go through with it. Since I have been more open to different sexual activities I have realized that I want more, but I want him to teach me, I’m to shy to just try things that are on my mind. I think a lot of my feelings have to do with our levels of sexual experience; he has had many different partners and has felt the need to discuss with me how they were in bed. I have always been in very tedious sexual relationships and I do not have much experience with so called “freaky” sex. I feel as though I will do something wrong and turn him off or not compare to those he has had in the past. To me this feels like it is partially his fault for letting me know about his past, which I feel is totally unnecessary to share with your partner.

Anyways, what I am searching for is ways for me to get started, ways for me to initiate sex and light his fire. How do you talk dirty?? What do you say??? I mean I have an idea, I know how to sound sexy but I just feel silly when I try to talk dirty to him cause I don’t know what words to use. Also what are some good ways to start out foreplay on a man, simple ways that I can start out with? I have told my man to tell me what he likes, show me how he likes it etc. he disagrees with that idea because he says everything I do is great; not much help! I need somewhere to start, something I am really good at that he really enjoys to help me feel less shy about sex before I can start to tie him up and have my way with him.


PLEASE HELP!!!! THE MORE ADVICE THE BETTER :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 5:58pm

I think the advice most people would give you is to take things slowly...givin your history and background, you need to step into things with ease.. It sounds like things are coming around, just slowly, and thats ok.


You may be able to get better advice if you post on the "lets takl about sex" board also...here is a link.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlletstalkab


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:34pm
He sounds like a very selfish lover. He wants you to do it all. It looks like he needs his ego stroked and stroked to make him feel important.

It takes two to tango. If you do it all, it is no fun for you.

If you are very shy and feel funny taking the lead, you are not alone. I think most women like their men to start the love-making.

As far as doing freaky things, honey you do not have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. It takes the joy of having sex away.

It looks like you are not compatible sexually. Maybe you should move on and find someone that you don't have to feel so shy and uncomfortable with. Both should enjoy the sex.