She Didn't Ask For My Opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2004
She Didn't Ask For My Opinion
11
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:50pm
I'm engaged to be married in July.

My fiancee has a child, not by me. We've started living together and I've been helping out more with our child. But, there is something that is bothering me. My fiancee usually works 10am to 7pm. She would drop her child off at the sitters and pick her child up on the way home. The sitters is maybe 10 minutes away from her job.

A month ago or so. She decided she wanted to spend more time with her child. So, she arranged her schedule so that she'd work 5am to 1:30p two days a week. She never asked me, she just told me she did. And sometimes her child would sleep over the sitters but on the days that she's at home. My fiancee asked me to take the child. I said okay. When I wasn't living with them I'd sleep over then take her child to the sitters. The sitters is about 30 min away in the opposite direction of my job. So, I drive for 30 min then drive back another 30 min and then drive another 30-40 min to work. It's been okay. Usually its one day a week. But, the fact that she didn't ask me bothers me.

A few weeks ago, my fiancee was going to try to switch all her days to 5am to 1:30 pm. I didn't say anything. She didn't discuss it with me either. I was hoping that they didn't allow her to. They didn't.

I'm glad they didn't because I wouldn't of wanted to do that drive every morning. Plus on the nights my fiancee works early she goes to sleep at 9pm. I wouldn't of liked that either.

Am I being selfish? We kinda got into an argument because I said I wouldn't of liked it if she switched her hours because I wouldnt of seen her at night. She immediately asked if I had a problem taking her child. I said no. I didn't. But, really, I would have. Doing it everyday would be hard. Plus, its hard to get the little one ready sometimes. This morning, I was an hour and a half late to work because the little one didn't want to go. It was the first time it happened but it brings up another scenario, if it keeps happening, I can't do it. I wouldn't be able to be late to work all the time.

Anyways, I'm just wondering what everyone thinks. Do you think I'm selfish? Maybe I am. I just don't see the point of her switching her hours and then letting me drive for an hour and a half in the morning without even discussing it beforehand.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 7:24am

but I think you are missing the point again: forget what "should've been said ". you are in a situation (being a step parent) that you are NOT ready to be in. (and just for the record - of course it should've been discussed, but this is NOT the point).


either both of you need to get into parenting classes and/or family counseling - or you need to break this up.


it is not fair for either of you -but it is especially not fair on her child (again, i dont know how old the child is, but from everything you described i am assuming the child is somewhere between 0-4)

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