She wants a divorce!!
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| Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:04pm |
More and more I’ve been getting less sex, so I knew something was wrong. I just convince myself that she was just going through a lot of stress or maybe my sex drive is too high for her. I got frustrated the last time she said no she isn’t in the mood. And said I’m going to have to satisfy myself with books or movies or we are going to have to have more. I knew that would urk her because she is against that. We average two to three times a month and I could have it every or every other day. I’ve been married 3 years and been living with her for 5, so the honeymoon is long over, but I love her very much. So this got her upset and she said she wasn’t going to tell me because she thought she was just going through something (depression or SAD) and it would eventually work itself out. She said she wants a divorce!! I asked her if I did something wrong. She said no. I asked her if there was someone else (Wrong question!!). She said of course not. She has just fallen out of love from me and she sees me for who I really am. This laid-back forgetful person and she doesn’t want to spend another year hoping that I’ll change. She says people don’t change. I said yes they do. I’m not the same person I was when I first met you. She wants a trial separation and has gone as far as planning exactly what we would do. So she has been thinking about this for awhile. I don’t believe trial separations work. Do they? This topic isn’t new. I bought an eraser board and split it up from high/med/low priority and asked her to put the hunny-to-do items on the board, but obviously I’m not crossing the items off the board quick enough or something else isn’t working.

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Welcome to the board my_privacy,
It seems like you are doing everything you can do make the marriage work. The rest is up to her. You can't fix this alone. Especially since she is the one that feels there are problems. Ask her to go to marriage counseling with you. This should show her that you are committed to fixing the marriage and making it work.
Best of luck to you.
glitter-graphics.com
I’ve asked her to go see a councillor. She doesn’t want to?? Doesn’t feel comfortable talking to a stranger. She is convinced if the love is gone, its gone. Nothing a stranger will tell you can change that. I asked her to read a self help marriage book. At this point she is very reluctant and it still sitting in the room. I’ve read it a couple of times now. She is on anti-depressants. A very low dose, but back of my mind thinks she might just be going through a depression and need to increase her medication. But not something I can suggest without getting a strip torn out of me.
You can't neglect yourself in this process. If you do it will only cause you to feel resentment towards her in the future. Since she wouldn't go to counseling with you, than go by yourself. It will give you a safe place to vent and work through this.
Would it be possible for you to met with the doctor that prescribed her depression medication and speak to him/her about your concerns with your wife's medication?
glitter-graphics.com
You are right. I need to....
Message to Brian's cupcake. Please do. I would love to have some ideas for free dates.
Thanks,
If she is so deeply upset with the marriage and with you, it sounds as though the two of you need to go to marriage counseling to find out what's really going on. It's never a matter of doing some chores or not. And, if she's waiting for you to change, she has more in mind than this.
People do change, of course, but only if they want to and only if they have real, professional help in doing so. You can't change your basic personality just because someone else wants you to. You have to know exactly what she truly wants of you, and see if you want this as well. If you do want to change, if you are unhappy with yourself, it takes discipline and professional assistance. Otherwise old habits keep returning on their own.
So far things seem confusing between the two of you. Get to a marriage counselor and clarify what the real problems are. She is withdrawing due to her own inner feelings, which she may not even be fully aware of. Unless you get some professional intervention, it doesn't seem as if you can turn the tide.
Once you get some help, remember that you too, have a right to make a decision, if you want to turn into this person she wants you to be. Is it something you want? Are you doing it to hold her love? If you are, you may well develop some inner resentment that she cannot accept you as you are.
Take good care,
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THere's a couple possibilities that I can think of. One is that you aren't pulling your fair share around the house and in the relationship and she feels all alone and neglected and it turned off towards you for that reason. And it's hard to trust that the changes your making will be permanent because she's been hurt for so long. Another is that for whatever reason, she's neglecting you. I understand people have different needs for sex and one person may want more than the other, but I believe consistently rejecting your spouse is neglect and emotional abuse. So if it's the second possibility I just don't see it getting better and it may be better to leave, if it's the first, maybe just keep doing what you're doing and you'll re earn her trust in time.
I’ve already asked her to go see a councilor, she said no. So I picked up a book called. How the one of you can bring the two of you together. I’ve also considered going to see a councilor by myself, but don’t know what to talk about….My wife has fallen out of love with me because I didn’t renovate the house fast enough but I have no money to do it faster?? Sounds petty.
The more you try to be physical with her and tell her verbally that you love her, you are pushing her away.
She obviously is already emotionally gone from the marriage.
You have listed endless numbers of things that you have
attempted to do in order to bring her back.
I see nothing that you have mentioned that she has done
to improve the situation.
My advice?
DUMP HER! AND WORK ON YOUR SELF ESTEEM.
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