Should I ask?
Find a Conversation
Should I ask?
| Thu, 02-26-2004 - 12:50am |
A passive guy who I have known for 7 months said he owed me a dinner for helping him with a business connection. I was attracted to him when we first met but remained casual friends because we both just got out of a relationship and was not ready for a new relationship at that time. He's also really consumed with work plus his own side start-up business. I have sensed that he might have some interest in me or it could be he is just flattered by my interest. We've been in contact with one another all this time every now and then but mostly through e-mail. And we have hung out a few times since we met.
Lately, we have had less contact since he had mentioned the dinner thing. So,tired of waiting, I sent him an email and told him to call me if he wanted to hang out and catch up on things (this time I was brave and direct instead of beating around the bush like some people on this board have pointed out to me). He actually called me three days later and asked me to a movie. I accepted but instead of the movie, he took me out to dinner (sort of indirectly said that it was the dinner he owed me). The movie showing was too late for him. We had a nice friendly dinner.
Lately, we have had less contact since he had mentioned the dinner thing. So,tired of waiting, I sent him an email and told him to call me if he wanted to hang out and catch up on things (this time I was brave and direct instead of beating around the bush like some people on this board have pointed out to me). He actually called me three days later and asked me to a movie. I accepted but instead of the movie, he took me out to dinner (sort of indirectly said that it was the dinner he owed me). The movie showing was too late for him. We had a nice friendly dinner.
I called him three days later to thank him for dinner and mentioned the movie. Instead of talking to him live, I got his voicemail and left him a message. I played the down movie thing by saying none of my friends wanted to see it and if he wanted to see it to give me a call. He hasn't called back. That was three days ago. I have tickets to an event I think he might be interested in and would like to ask him to join me. Should I call and ask him since he hasn't called back? The event is next Thursday and I don't want to wait for the last minute to ask him. Thanks for your thoughts.

What do YOU want? If you're wanting to date him - then you're not in a position to 'settle for friendship' at this time - you'll always be projecting, assuming, and reading into things trying to 'get more'.
If you're wanting a friendship only, tell him that - and that way if he's not wanting more - he can respond to your invitations without having to deal with "what does she want/expect" out of this.
At the moment, I believe he interprets you to be "asking him out on dates" - and he's avoiding answering your invitations. Meaning, he likely doesn't WANT to date you, doesn't know how to 'turn you down' (how often are women put on the spot, having to turn down someone they're not interested in in that way).
So, you've got to determine what YOU want...if you're wanting to date, willing to settle for platonic friendship and date elsewhere - then tell him 'as a friend, would you enjoy going to, seeing _______'whatever this event is.
If he doesn't respond at all should you get voicemail - you have an answer. He doesn't want friendship or a date.
If you're only really wanting 'a date" - tell him that on that machine if you get it "I'd love to pursue a dating relatioship, I have tickets to ______ would you like to go on _____"
Start communicating based on what YOU want...instead of trying to read what he wants and respond to that trying to get what you want in some backdoor approach.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
If you really think that he'll be interested in this event, give him a call and let him know, but don't hold out for him. Even the nicest guys sometimes back out at the last minute. If he doesn't call you back, back off for a week or so, he'll call eventually.
This sends him the message that yes, you are interested in seeing him, but you aren't going to wait around for him. If he wants to see you, he needs to respond, cause you've got places to go and people to see!
If you two were mutually attracted to each other you would be dating and it wouldn't be this difficult. You wouldn't be analyzing his every move, instead you would be enjoying time together and making plans to get together again.
I think it is time to move on.
I think it is time to move on as well, you have certainly put forth your best effort, but the fact that he keeps on closing "openings" that you give him shows pretty clearly that he is not interested in this right now.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy