Should I Ask Him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Should I Ask Him?
2
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 3:55pm
Hi. My boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for about 10 months now and I recently moved in with him for the summer (I will soon be leaving to attend grad school). Since I have been living with him, I have found MANY (as in more than 30) porn DVD's and when he recently asked me to pay his bills, noticed subscriptions to online porn sites. I have told him before that any boyfriend excessively engrossed in pornography was NOT for me - bc I feel like a boyfriend should want to be with me and only me. He told me he would stop, however it's getting much worse. Do I broach the subject again (I don't want to make him mad and I don't want him to feel like he has to hide it from me) or just try to understand that "boys will be boys"? Thank you for your time and advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 4:02pm
It sounds like you already told him that the pornography was not going to be part of the relationship. You have to either stand by that and give him the ultimatum or you don't and say nothing. As far as what I have heard is that someone who is that engrossed in porn has a serious problem and soon the regular magazines and videos will lose their thrill and he will move on to something more intense and obscene. You don't want to to be caught in the middle of that. If I ever found out that my husband had magazines or movies, it would almost be grounds for a divorce in my house. Just my thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 5:27pm
I've known a lot of men. I never met one who didn't use porn to some extent. I think it's fairly normal or common. Does it hinder your relationship in concrete ways? What is your relationship like? Is he a good man?

Should you ask him? Yes. If you can't talk about it, that's not ideal.

MB