SHOULD I ASK HIM TO TAKE ME BACK ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
SHOULD I ASK HIM TO TAKE ME BACK ?
2
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 3:38pm
Hi, everybody, I am at a loss at what to do.

Me and my (ex)-boyfriend of 9 months broke-up two days before Xmas over me going out with my two guy friends without him (whom he met before) before they flew out West for Xmas, this was a very painful and nasty break-up which I did not expect from such a nice guy. He was convinced I was going out with my friends to flirt, which I DON’T, I’ve know these guys for years and don’t have any romantic feelings for them. Actually, we had similar ‘jealous’ run-ins in the past each time me trying to convince him that I am not flirting, just trying to be friendly etc etc., By the Way my mom says if I have a snowballs chance of getting married give-up your male friends basically, or hide them form you partner.

I made a huge mistake too because he told me that he was going to have a female friend over to his house the following day and she was going to show him some video, and this was the first time I heard about it and he told me she does phone that day and told him and he was going to invite me over but now that I was going out with my friends he isn’t. Well, at first I said I didn’t seem comfortable with the whole situation but later I apologized and said I should have more trust in him and I was wrong (I wanted to be fair), but he didn’t listen to this last part.

Anyway, there were other issues in the relationship as well, like he is very gun ho to get married (we’ve known each other 9 months), and at one point I told him I wanted to get married too and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him, but the following week we were sitting in a restaurant and he asked me what I thought about marriage and I said yes I plan to get married but not next year, he said yes let’s get engaged next year and my jaw kind of dropped, he got extremely offended by this. I think he took it as a ‘no’ and afterwards kept harping on it.

When he broke up with me (over the phone) he was crying and said that he was really offended by the expression on my face and he didn’t ant to marry me (previous month he said he did and I was the girl of his dreams), and well, anyway, to make a long story short he told me to return all the Xmas gifts (for him and his family) to the store and I wasn’t coming to his hometown with him. Needless to say, pretty devastating. Thank God a friend of mine felt sorry for me and I spent Xmas holiday with her family.

So, I am really confused, I am pushing 30 and this guy is great with kids, extremely handsome (he won’t have problems finding a girl to marry him), has a good job and all the rest of that jazz. I feel like I threw a good chance away and I might never get the opportunity again.

Should I beg him to take me back and promise I at least get engaged to him, and put him in the front seat (he told me he felt he was always in the backseat in the relationship even though he also said I was an attentive, affectionate and caring girlfriend) ? I am at a loss and have a lot of mixed feelings; I feel I might have thrown a good chance away.

I very much doubt he’ll take me back but may be worth a try for my own sake...and if I do decide to go this way what in the world should I do ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 4:14pm
'By the Way my mom says if I have a snowballs chance of getting married give-up your male friends basically, or hide them form you partner.'

Please do not take this advice from your mother. Your boyfriend needs to get over his jealousy and you shouldn't be apologizing for something that wasn't wrong.

'we had similar ‘jealous’ run-ins in the past each time me trying to convince him that I am not flirting,'

Then his jealousy will always be a part of your relationship.

'I apologized and said I should have more trust in him'

Exactly what he should be saying to you.

'I am pushing 30'

No reason to settle.


'and this guy is great with kids,'

Yes, because he is one. Seriously, he sounds very immature. You deserve someone better who treats you with respect and trust and doesn't play these games.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 5:08pm
Why would you ask him to take you back? Let him come to you. If he doesn't, then that's the way it is suppose to be.


Carrie