Should I ask or wait?

Avatar for chilaili
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Should I ask or wait?
2
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 6:44am
About 4 weeks ago my boyfriend and I had a long talk where he laid out the problems he'd been having with me and why he wasn't sure we should keep seeing each other. Apparently for the last 3-4 months he'd totally hidden from me his irritations, annoyance and even downright anger with some of the things I'd done or said. And how I reminded him of his ex-wife! We agreed to not see each other for a couple of weeks but after about 10 days gave into a 'booty call'. Well, for various reasons we haven't seen each other now for 2 weeks and probably won't again till next week. In the meantime, I'm getting more and more antsy about where we are. I really want to call or email him and ask if he still feels that way or if he's 'forgiven' me and moved past it all or if we're finished. His birthday is tomorrow and I'd planned to take him out to dinner next Wednesday so should I wait till then? I wonder if I should follow the rule of "IF you don't know what to do, best not to do anything"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 9:10am
I don't know anything about that rule. Did you agree to meet up and talk on a certain day or is he leaving you up in the air?

If it is bothering you so much, and I don't blame you, then why not take control and call him. Tell him you need to know so you can move on with your life.

'irritations, annoyance and even downright anger with some of the things I'd done or said'

Do you agree that you have done or said things that would upset him?

Avatar for chilaili
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 9:49am
I agree with him somewhat. Bearing in mind that he's still reeling from a very unhappy marriage where his ex really tried to control every part of his life and resented any time spent away from her with his friends, there have been things I've said that kind of echoed that. But I also think he's over-reacted to other stuff. He's just so bad at communicating ANYthing about his thoughts and feelings (becuase she never wanted to deal with anything). A part of me wants to get him to be more open and another is worried he'll feel driven into a corner. I've worked quite hard over the past few weeks at backing off and hopefully getting him to feel less 'hounded', but I'm not sure where his mind is at now.