Should I Be Concerned?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
Should I Be Concerned?
4
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 8:57pm
My husband's co-worker is maybe 6 years younger than my husband (he's 40), female, attractive, with an outgoing, outrageous sort of wild personality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 9:50pm

Well... Having a boyfriend, or not, or being on the rocks, doesn't make someone go after another woman's man. I'm not sure if that's terribly relevant.

The only thing I see that's really inappropriate are the dreams. That kind of crosses a line. Men and women shouldn't be prevented from being friends in the workplace but I think the next time she asks him if he wants to hear a dream she had, he should probably say no.

You're right that it's very unlikely that he has any interest in her. He sounds upfront and honest which is good. But no I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask him to put a little more distance between them especially regarding her dreams. That's just over the top.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 12:40pm

Welcome to the board shazzychapman,


I think the main there here is you trusting your husband. His behavior with her doesn't seem inappropriate. But hers is. Of course she can't control what she dreams about, but she doesn't have to share them with your husband. I would just him to tell her that some of her behavior isn't appropriate.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 2:18pm

I agree that it is inappropriate for her to be telling your husband these dreams, of him hugging her and washing her hair. It's giving him an unconscious message that she wishes to have a more intimate connection with him. He needs to wake up and realize what's going on. He may not be wanting to give her encouragement, but perhaps she takes his friendship in the wrong way. It's possible inadvertently, he's allowing this to go on.


It is important for him to set boundaries here, to distance himself, to let her know he's happily married and does not want to be part of her dreams. Your feelings of upset are understandable...let him know it upsets you, and for your sake he needs to take appropriate action and create more boundaries.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 4:35pm
I think you have just cause to be concerned. She's making a play for your husband and is slowly seducing him with her "dreams" (if she even really had them).