Should I be concerned?
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Should I be concerned?
| Wed, 07-14-2004 - 2:20pm |
I just need some advice from anyone please! My fiance and I are getting married in two months. We have been together now for six years. Two years ago I came home to find him and one of his co workers in my home. They swear that there was no sex and only kissing. She left the company not too long afterwards. He still works for that same company. His other co workers are friends with that girl and was trying to push him into a relationship with her. Even now they dislike me even though they've never met me. The problem is that I overheard my fiance telling his friend that he misses that girl. Around me he is so lovey dovey and sweet, yet why is he thinking of her? Is it just cold feet? Is that normal? Any advice?

He might as well be waving a flag the size of Texas that reads "I'm Not Ready For Committment".
Your situation is flawlessly similar to a couple whom I love and adore. Just before Christmas he admitted to her for having feelings for a co-worker. He told her that he kissed this other woman and has seen her a few times outside of work. This off course devastated her. He left the country for business for 3 months. During this time he decided they should be "on a break" since they lived together. They continued to communicate, she sent him packages, and they talked as though they were still in a relationship- but he continually admitted he thought he had feelings for this girl.
When he returned from overseas, she threw him a welcome home party and they were back together and in love again. A month later they got engaged. However, he still works at the same company and they havent really talked it through. Their wedding is next June, and they just bought a house. It's a scary situation... though some would say this brought them closer and he was just acting out of fear of committment, etc.
The only way they were able to work it out was with him ending ALL communication with this woman, and he had to switch departments so that he wouldnt even see her on a daily basis. But my husband and I see things that our freind doesnt... that their relationship has been torn, they never talked about it... and knowing how much he hurt her, and that she has to rebuild that trust- its walking on eggshells... and he lies to her very often! Instead of telling her "hey I'm going to happy hour with some guys from work" he will say "hey babe... my buddy is having problems and really needs to talk to me, I'm going to meet him at Chili's". It's not right that he lies to her, you know?
Your fiance sounds a little different however. What has he done to prove you can trust him again? Nothing. He continues to repeat his cheating. He doesnt deserve you.
Good luck.