Should I be this mad/upset?
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| Thu, 12-27-2007 - 8:51am |
Ok-- To start by nature I'm somewhat of a jealous person... Through my last relationship I really had to get over that because my bf at the time was friends with A LOT of girls.. and Had dated quite a bit..
Now, I find myself really upset. My bf has a friendship with his ex-fiance.. They are friends, speak over the phone and myspace. That's it. She lives in AZ, and came home for the holidays. She called him before she came home, and said that at some point during her visit she wanted to get together and visit... She has a bf also, so my bf says I have nothing to worry about..
Well, she called on Christmas to wish bf a Merry Christmas and to say the same to the family. I found myself getting really aggrivated, and pissed off about him speaking to her right in front of me.. Just really annoyed! He got off the phone with her, and noticed my frustration, and whispered to me- "she just called to wish me a merry christmas.. Nothing else. She knows I'm with you, and I love you.. Nothing to worry about.k." That doesn't change that little jealous bone in me.
Last night bf came home, definately had been drinking. I asked him what was wrong, and he just kept saying.. Bad day. Bad day. So I asked him what happened. So he started telling me about his day, and said "I came home and wanted something to eat, we didn't have anything, so I decided to go out to lunch." I asked him who he went out to lunch with and his response was "Names don't matter." I said that they did, and asked again who he went to lunch with.. He went to lunch with his ex-fiance!!! I was soo mad! I didn't scream or yell at him. I just walked into the kitchen and began to put dishes away.. Just to focus my thoughts elsewhere, as to not fight.
He ended up leaving, and coming back after a little drive. Went right to bed, and left for work this morning, still seaming in a bad mood..
I'm not sure what to do, or how to approach him about this.. He knows that it bothers me that he still has a friendship with her.. I can't help that. I'm really trying to not let it bother me. But it's hard. I just care and love him soo much, that I don't want to lose him... I need some advice about what to say or how to approach the situation after this.. I told him that it's not that i'm jealous of her, it's just that In the past when ex's come in the picture it's never good.. Especially the fact that I had to dig for the information. Would he have told me that he went to lunch with her if I hadn't of asked?
This question rings in my head today, and It's really hard to focus on something else, when all I want to do is get past this! And move on!

You don't get to choose who someone's friends are. If you don't like that he has a cordial friendship with his ex, then leave him, because he will eventually come to resent how angry you get or how you try to control him. He's going to start lying and hiding things from you, not because he is doing something wrong, but because he wants to avoid a conflict with you.
I like to think of people as a "package deal" when you start dating them. They come with friends, family, habits, likes and dislikes that may not agree with you but you have the choice to accept them or leave because changing another person is not an option.
Hi fieryfairy2006.
You know, you feel what you feel. If you should be *this* mad or upset, well, it is what it is. You are *this* mad.
So separately, you have to deal with your issue:
If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? by Carl G. Hindy
Jealousy, Taming the Green-Eyed Monster by Eugene Schoenfeld
Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures by Ayala Malach Pines
Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness by Paul A. Hauck
Secondly, I'd ask, have you meet this ex of his? He wanted to hide the fact that he went to lunch with her to avoid your reaction, but if you haven't met her and
I'm concerned by the fact he came home drunk and then went "for a little drive".
I think this is a far bigger issue than seeing an ex.