Should I be Upset

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Should I be Upset
4
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 11:54am
I am upset that my husband had a meeting in San Francisco and afterwards went out to have "drinks". He told me it would be no big deal and not to worry. I am upset about the fact that before he left that day, he said he would only have a few and be home around a certain time. I asked him to call me to be respectful. When all said and done, he did not call me till he was finished for the evening and stayed out later than he said. It upset me that he totally forgot about me when he was out with other people. He does not acknowledge any of it, and thinks I am making too much of it. Am I.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 12:44pm
dorasean...

Pianoguy is a little confused about your post???

There was no indication if the "drinks" were part of a business venture or company function...or whether it was just an outside pleasure? Also...if there were any women involved?

Not knowing if you live on the west or east coast...there's also a time element. If your husband returned around 11pm or later (west coast time)...it would be 3AM on the east coast! Would you honestly want to lose a little beauty sleep in favor of a late night phone call?

Just out of curiosity...have you been married very long? And if so...what's with the "checking up bit?" If you start making rules and insisting that your husband be back in his hotel room by a certain time...this is how a MOM would respond...not a WIFE!

And not to pick on you...but this is usually the way most marriages begin to dissolve!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to:
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:01pm
Hey dorasean,

I can understand your concern, but do you trust him? If he has never done anything to give you reason to suspect anything, why are you upset? I just left a post on here and I obviously have trust issues with my husband, so if you do, I can totally understand that. I've been on business trips before and I haven't called home, not bc I was up to something but bc I was tired.

Just so I understand where you are coming from, why would he have to call home to be respectful? BTW, I'm sure he didn't forget about you while he was out w/ other people. He probably had a good time, came home and was tired - that doesn't mean he doesn't respect you.

Hugs,

Shae

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 1:06pm
So basically you asked for a courtesy call and didn't get one. So are you more upset that he was out later than he said he would be, or upset because you think he forgot about you? When out and about, time as a way of not being foremost on the mind. Has he done this before?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:15pm
It all depends on your relationship as a whole. Is he constantly unreliable and inconsiderate? Does he frequently break promises or let you down? If not, then yes, you're making too much of this. Sometimes in marriage I think that people forget we are just human beings, and we do not own one another. Some degree of freedom to enjoy ourselves without the other and freedom to make spontaneous choices occasionally to do what we want is present in a healthy relationship. I think reliability and consideration are also important, but I don't think you should be harboring a grudge for one instance of his not following through. If you were worried about hiim when he didn't call, that's understandable, but it's over and done with so let it go. Anger to me suggests you were spending your whole day or night watching the clock, waiting for the phone to ring and wondering what he was up to. That's not trust. In trust, we feel content knowing we can rely on our partner even when we are not with him or her. Hopefully you can forgive and move past this. If on the other hand he is always unreliable and not worthy of being trusted, then the issue in your marriage is far greater than one missed phone call, and you should seek counselling. Good luck.