should i be worried?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
should i be worried?
2
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 2:00pm
i have been in a relationship with "john" for the past 6 months. The problem is, is that he was once engaged, but broke off the engagement a little over a year ago. He has adamantly tried to prove to me that things are over between them... and that he is no longer with her. He also makes a concerted effort to tell me that i'm the only one in his life. BUT... considering the circumstances, i'm having a hard time trusting him completely. They still see each other often because due to the longevity of their relationship, they still co-own a lot of things (such as two dogs). I KNOW it was wrong of me, but i checked online to look at his cell-phone bill statement. And i saw that he still calls and text messages her everyday...sometimes multiple times a day. Should i be worried? should i confront him? and if so, how? thanks so much... i'm just going crazy here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 3:02pm
Often you don’t stop being friends with someone just because you break up with them. The fact that they co-own 2 dogs together will strongly contribute to keeping the connection going. But that doesn’t mean that they want to get back together.

Who broke up with whom and why? How long were they together?

I would be more concerned about the fact that he is calling and text messaging her several times a day. That does seem excessive. Should you confront him? Yes, if you want to get to the bottom of it. But be prepared that he is probably going to get mad that you looked at his bill.

Otherwise, just keep your eyes open see if there is anything else to be suspicious about. Such as, does he say he is 1 place but is clearly lying? Does he follow though on his plans with you and when he says he is going to call or does he frequently break plans and doesn’t call when he says he will.

I think for the most part, unless he doesn’t have a good answer for why he calls her several times a time, you are pretty much going to have to just wait & see how things play out over time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 4:23pm
Interesting, the only person I talk to daily, multiple times, is my bf.... I'm in a relationship with him.

Sounds to me that your bf is still attached (emotionally, if nothing else) to his ex. Can you live with that? If not, move on. He's not going to change because he's not willing to include you in the friendship with her or put some distance between him and her, like only talking once a week or once a month, daily is a little too much in my book.

But know this, he likes being connected to her. He likes the conversations, the text msgs, the joint ownership of the dogs, her attention, etc.


Carrie