Should I believe him?
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Should I believe him?
| Thu, 06-24-2004 - 1:57pm |
well, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I had just moved to Chicago and shortly after, had met him by accident, on an local online dating site. About a month ago we decided to move in together. When we had first started dating, I remember one instance where I was at his house and he had already left for work. I was being nosy and looked through some stuff he had in one of his drawers. At the bottom of the drawer there were naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend. After that, I also found a stash of porn tapes. Although I didnt like the fact that he watched porn I let that slide, but it upset me that he had naked pictures of some girl he had dated. I did not see a reason for him to have kept those. So, I confronted him and he promised he would throw them away.
Second instance, I gave him my credit cards to hold on to so that way I didnt have to cancel them but I wouldnt' be tempted to use them. When I got my statement that next month there were charges on one of them that I didnt recognize. This had been one of the cards I had given to him. I then asked him if he had that card and if he used it and he said no. Later that month, in the same drawer i found the pictures, I found the card that he told me to my face he didn't have.
Since then we have gotten into several arguments about trust. He doesnt understand why I dont trust him, but ive caught him in so many lies.
Third instance, I was looking at his phone and noticed that when you connect to the internet from it, it automatically goes to his e-mail account. In there I found an e-mail from some girl saying that she can't wait to meet him and giving all her information. I then looked at his computer and found files that were pictures of girls that had been deleted, over 300 porn videos he had downloaded, and e-mail accounts and accounts with such places as adultfriendfinder.com. So I confronted him and once again, he said he gets that stuff all the time.
I have since looked through his stuff again and found a picture and a letter from some girl dated february of this year. I also found him to have several profiles on dating websites. I dont mean to sound like that pschyo girlfriend going through his stuff all the time, but every time i do I find something bad, and he lies and denies it all. Everytime!!!! I need advice on what to do because I really do love this man. I would marry him in a heartbeat and the good times we have together make up for the bad ones. But I need to know if I a being lied to so I can move on with my life. The only thing is, I have to find a way to catch him on my own, otherwise all he sees it as is me going through his stuff all the time. I have a feeling he is meeting girls on the internet and talking to them but I have no way to prove it. I need to see it for myself.
Second instance, I gave him my credit cards to hold on to so that way I didnt have to cancel them but I wouldnt' be tempted to use them. When I got my statement that next month there were charges on one of them that I didnt recognize. This had been one of the cards I had given to him. I then asked him if he had that card and if he used it and he said no. Later that month, in the same drawer i found the pictures, I found the card that he told me to my face he didn't have.
Since then we have gotten into several arguments about trust. He doesnt understand why I dont trust him, but ive caught him in so many lies.
Third instance, I was looking at his phone and noticed that when you connect to the internet from it, it automatically goes to his e-mail account. In there I found an e-mail from some girl saying that she can't wait to meet him and giving all her information. I then looked at his computer and found files that were pictures of girls that had been deleted, over 300 porn videos he had downloaded, and e-mail accounts and accounts with such places as adultfriendfinder.com. So I confronted him and once again, he said he gets that stuff all the time.
I have since looked through his stuff again and found a picture and a letter from some girl dated february of this year. I also found him to have several profiles on dating websites. I dont mean to sound like that pschyo girlfriend going through his stuff all the time, but every time i do I find something bad, and he lies and denies it all. Everytime!!!! I need advice on what to do because I really do love this man. I would marry him in a heartbeat and the good times we have together make up for the bad ones. But I need to know if I a being lied to so I can move on with my life. The only thing is, I have to find a way to catch him on my own, otherwise all he sees it as is me going through his stuff all the time. I have a feeling he is meeting girls on the internet and talking to them but I have no way to prove it. I need to see it for myself.
So, if you have any advice or have been in a similar situation please help me!!!!!!

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My advice, RUN. This man has it made and he's taking advantage of you.
Carrie
In any event, yes, I've been where you are. In my case, I found an email from my ex (the day after we'd spent a long weekend discussing logistics for moving in together and getting married) to a woman on a dating site. That was enough...I sent him a "have a nice life" email and ended it. I'd given him two chances before to remove his profile from dating sites (we met online and had agreed that having profiles up wasn't consistent with the committed, monogamous nature of our r'ship, but he kept putting them up anyway), and he was out with strike three.
I agree with the book suggestion in the other post; that book helped me tremenously.
Sheri
doing this as well. I need some tips on how to find out.
Thanks,
Heather
The third time, I snooped because my gut told me something was going on (and my gut is almost always right). I found a user name and password for another site, and used it to access his email on that site. It's not something I'm at all proud of (I should have just ended it based on my gut, but I didn't have the courage), but I'm glad I did it and saved myself more pain and grief.
Anyway, in your case, you could have a look at the major dating sites and search for men your husband's age, height, etc, although of course he could be lying about all that stuff in order to disguise himself. But I'm sorry you're at the point of feeling you have to snoop. That's pretty much the handwriting on the wall that the r'ship is irretrievably broken, once the trust is gone.
Sheri
looked at any.
Thanks
Heather
What more do you need to know?
Sheri
START
PROGRAMS
ACCESORIES
SYSTEM TOOLS
DISK CLEANUP.....click on this.......let it open DO NOT PUSH (OK)...Click on TEMPORARY INTERNET FILES AND CLICK ON (VIEW FILES) IT will open up folders go into each folder. YOu will want to make them thumbnails so right click and click on VEIWS. THE ones that ask how you want them opened try IE first than note pad then word pad. Good Luck
PS Also check (history)
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