Should I believe him?

Avatar for brwnsugr21
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Should I believe him?
12
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 1:57pm
well, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I had just moved to Chicago and shortly after, had met him by accident, on an local online dating site. About a month ago we decided to move in together. When we had first started dating, I remember one instance where I was at his house and he had already left for work. I was being nosy and looked through some stuff he had in one of his drawers. At the bottom of the drawer there were naked pictures of his ex-girlfriend. After that, I also found a stash of porn tapes. Although I didnt like the fact that he watched porn I let that slide, but it upset me that he had naked pictures of some girl he had dated. I did not see a reason for him to have kept those. So, I confronted him and he promised he would throw them away.

Second instance, I gave him my credit cards to hold on to so that way I didnt have to cancel them but I wouldnt' be tempted to use them. When I got my statement that next month there were charges on one of them that I didnt recognize. This had been one of the cards I had given to him. I then asked him if he had that card and if he used it and he said no. Later that month, in the same drawer i found the pictures, I found the card that he told me to my face he didn't have.

Since then we have gotten into several arguments about trust. He doesnt understand why I dont trust him, but ive caught him in so many lies.

Third instance, I was looking at his phone and noticed that when you connect to the internet from it, it automatically goes to his e-mail account. In there I found an e-mail from some girl saying that she can't wait to meet him and giving all her information. I then looked at his computer and found files that were pictures of girls that had been deleted, over 300 porn videos he had downloaded, and e-mail accounts and accounts with such places as adultfriendfinder.com. So I confronted him and once again, he said he gets that stuff all the time.

I have since looked through his stuff again and found a picture and a letter from some girl dated february of this year. I also found him to have several profiles on dating websites. I dont mean to sound like that pschyo girlfriend going through his stuff all the time, but every time i do I find something bad, and he lies and denies it all. Everytime!!!! I need advice on what to do because I really do love this man. I would marry him in a heartbeat and the good times we have together make up for the bad ones. But I need to know if I a being lied to so I can move on with my life. The only thing is, I have to find a way to catch him on my own, otherwise all he sees it as is me going through his stuff all the time. I have a feeling he is meeting girls on the internet and talking to them but I have no way to prove it. I need to see it for myself.

So, if you have any advice or have been in a similar situation please help me!!!!!!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 3:01pm
Hi, I have to say that you should wake up and smell the coffee!! This guy is being very sneaky. It appears that he wants to explore other avenues. If I were you confront one of the girls by either emailing and perhaps calling. They may be able to give you some info. I think you know deep down inside what you have to do. Don't keep hurting yourself by letting this guy take advantage of you like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 11:35am
Hi. My name is Crystal. I am also in a relationship, well i am now engaged. You need to think about the things your boyfriend/husband has done right, rather then the wrong doings. Us woman... we have this thought in our mind that all men NEED porn and LOOK at other woman... or all men WANT just this. They need to look at other girls we think, they need the porn, and they are destine to cheat. Well i have some news for you. What are we doing, we are sterotyping men, and most of all the ones we love. Dont simply go behind his back and look to see if he is on this website... because that is very unfaithful to him, now you are doing something wrong as well. You need to have a little faith in your your man. Talk to him, and be willing to listen to what he has to say. Even if he is saying something you dont want to hear... dont yell at him about it, sound familiar? Listen to what he is saying or else your allowing him to close up right in front of your eyes and all he will do is lie about it because he thinks this is what you want to hear. Wouldnt you rather hear the truth, rather then some fairy tail man you expect to hear all the good things from him, that are just lies?

If you need help with anything else, you can reach me at "BooBooLaa@aol.com" ... or i m me at booboolaa.

Thanks, Crystal

Pages