Should I break up with him over this ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Should I break up with him over this ?
3
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 3:12pm
I've been dating a guy from Montreal for about a month. Yesterday was his last night in France before going back to visit his family for a month, so we decided to spend it partying with some friends.
He arrived completely wasted with his best friend, they could barely stand up and were very, VERY annoying. After a while I went into the club to say hi to some friends while they stayed outside because they were too drunk to get in anyway. Then a friend told me that I should do something because my boyfriend kept hurting himself by falling down on the street.
When I found him, he was lying on the pavement, had thrown up everywhere and some guys were trying to take care of him. I took him back home, where he fell on the floor crying and repeating he was sorry. I wanted to stay with him at least to make sure he could catch the train to the airport which was only in 2 hours, but his best friend arrived still as drunk before and started calling me names, at which point I just got up and left because I couldn't stand them anymore. In short, it was a horrible and pathetic night, he and his friend were horrible to my friends, to me and were plain disrespectful to themselves.
Now he's gone back to Canada, and I don't know if I want to keep dating him after what happened. Things were going great between us but we were still getting to know each other. He managed to send me an email in the middle of his trip (his phone doesn't work outside of France), telling me he was sorry, that he misses me and really looks forward to seeing me when he comes back. He also said that he doesn't remember ANYTHING about what happened last night. Should I tell him so he understands why i'm so angry at him ? Can this sort of behavior be a one-time mistake or should I just stop dating him ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 3:46pm

Welcome to the board laury_smile,


Have you ever since him drunk like that before? Do you think he has a drinking problem?


If this is the first time that something like this has happened, then I am inclined to say give him one more chance. If it happens again then you can end it.


I do think you should tell him what happened that way he can better understand how you feel about the situation. It wouldn't be fair of you to be mad at him without even telling him why.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2006
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 7:44pm

If he drinks to get drunk, it could be he is an alcoholic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 8:09pm

I don't necessarily think that the best thing to do would be to break up with him straight off the bat. I think that you should talk to him about it first.


I also think that this kind of behaviour depends a lot on age, if he's 40 and drinking to get drunk then yes, i think he may have issues with alcohol. If he's 21 then it is much more understandable and is just a phase that he should grow out of. But im not asking you to wait until he grows up. My boyfriend used to drink a lot (with his buddies) and i expressed how i felt about his drinking and he respected me enough to cut down a LOT. He doesn't get drunk anymore. And we have a great relationship. It was also long distance for the first year+, so i know it may get difficult and i know how you might feel.


Basically, i say that its ok to be mad at him and to talk to him about it, but the fact that he apologized and seems to want to try to make it work (even from long distance) says something. Maybe you shouldn't give him up so fast.


By the way, Montreal is a really cool place, you should come visit