Should I break it off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2007
Should I break it off?
2
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 12:47pm

Hi, I'm new to this board. I have a confusing situation, but I'll try to make it short and sweet. Here goes...

My b/f & I have been together for 20 months. There is an eight year age difference. Me being the younger. We have been living together for 9 months. Our relationship was great at first and I know the "shine" doesn't last forever. We have talked about getting married one day and having kids. However, I am in college to be a nurse and he is not making much of an effort to do anything with his life. He was working a good (though very hard) job that offered benefits and such. He quit a few weeks ago. He was working another job as a pizza delivery driver along with that job. Now he works there full time. He says he is gonig to get another job soon, but I'm not sure if I believe him. He refuses to go back to school even though I tell him these days you can't get a decent job without an education. He gets mad when I bring up him finding another job, going back to school etc. (He dropped out of HS in the 9th grade and got his GED.)

He also has several thousand in credit card debt and makes no effort to pay it off. He doesn't like for me to bring that up either. I don't think he has ever sent a payment. He also plays this online card game and while I have no problem with playing games, he spends money on these games. He has spent almost $100 on this game. It's one where you can buy more cards or something like that. Anyway he started doing this right around the time of my birthday. He ended up taking me to breakfast (only because I brought up the fact that we never go out) and buying me one season of my fav tv show on dvd for my birthday. He claimed he could not get me more because he was so broke. Now I really liked my gift, don't get me wrong. It's not the fact of how much money he spent on me, it's more of he said he could only spend that much because he was so broke. Broke from spending so much money on this game. He did this knowing that I always try to get him a nice gift. For his birthday I got him a flat screen monitor for his computer and some knick knack thing for his PS2 that I got him for Christmas.

He also started smoking again a few months ago. I quit a year and a half ago. He always has bad breath and he stinks when he comes back in from smoking. And sometimes for whatever reason he feels the need to smother me with kisses. I can't stand it. I don't even like to be "smothered" with kisses when he hasn't smoked.

I'm also not sexually attracted to him anymore. This could be from my birth control ro it could be because of past sex abuse issues that are just now being brought up. I'm not sure what it's from. I find myself having crushes on other men, thinking about past "flings", and thinking sexual things about them. And I know that's a terrible thing to say (and think) but it's the truth.

He also stays out pretty late. He tells me he goes to his mom's and I believe him. (Two of his three brothers still live there; ages 26 & 32). But he never comes to bed at the same time I do and I've said something about it to him, but he still doesn't do it. We never go out because he's always broke. When we do go out, I usually pay for it. I'm sick of that. I want to be the one that it wined and dined for once. I'm tired of giving and giving and recieving very little in return. What should I do? Am I just being selfish?

FYI I'm 19 and he is 27. Sometimes I wish I wasn't "pratically married" and I could live a normal 19 year old college students life. I have no friends. He doesn't want me to have guy friends, so we agreed to not have opposite sex friends. Anyway any input would be fabulous! Thanks bunches!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 2:10pm

Welcome to the board j_nurse2b,


I know you posted on the Relationship Saver board, but I get the feeling saving it isn't in the cards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 2:28pm

You asked if you should break it off...isn't that your decision? IF you want a man with no spark then stay with him. What you have is what you will get for the rest of your life...is that okay?

If you desire a man with ambition and a spark that not only helps support the household AND ignites a healthy sex life then dump the loser you're with and find your true love.

Frani