Should I call it off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Should I call it off?
3
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 10:15am

I was married 12 years and my now fiance was with his GF for 8 years. We were all friends prior to our relationship. We never realized until after my divorce and his breakup that we had a special connection. That was 2 years ago, we moved in together this past summer and are getting married in the spring. So here is my problem...His Ex will not stop contacting him! It is daily texts and emails. Some are just to say have a nice weekend, have a good day etc... then some are so down right nasty and hurtful and rehash why they broke up and blames him for all of her faults and the situation she is in now. Which is not a good one!

Over the past 2 years she has repeatedly asked him to bring her back here (she now lives out of state) and she misses him and needs him. Until, a few weeks ago she told him that she never wants hear from him again and that she has someone who will take care of her seeing as he won't he was hurt by her comments because he does have a big heart. I explained to him that he can't be just friends with her. She needs to grow up and take care of herself,he really cares for everyone and doesn't ever want to see someone hurt or in trouble.

Well, this past week she started again because now the new BF left her and her life is in shambles again so wants him to come "save" her. She's begging him to not get married, I'm not the right one for him etc. He said that he doesn't want to be with her but she just won't stop the communication. Now she does it when she knows he's home with me like Valentines night, the weekends, dinner time etc....He can't seem to stop communication either..he is worried that she is so unstable but assures me he doesn't want to be with her!

So my question....Am I being to jealous? Should'nt I be able to express that fact that the communications have to stop, and expect it to happen? I know he wants to marry me but why then can't he stop and ignore her? Is it time for me to email her and tell her to stop?

Please help because right now I don't think I can go through with a wedding knowing that he can't respect me enough to stop communication even though he blames her for not stopping?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 10:53am

I don't think that what you're feeling is jealousy; you're feeling undermined by your boyfriend's inability to stand up for himself and force this girl to respect that he's in a relationship. It's gone on long enough to be considered leading her on. She's not mentally stable and she's unhealthily attached to him. The right thing to do is for him to cut off all contact with her.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to say: this has gone on for too long, I want you to block her calls and stop responding to her altogether. And then if he doesn't, yes you should call it off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 12:53pm

Welcome to the board beachkiss,


There is no reason that he should still be in contact with her. He probably likes the attention that he is she getting from her. You are just going to have to tell him that he either quits having contact with her (he can change his cell phone number) or you will call off the wedding. Be prepared to with through with it though, if you have to. Hopefully you won't have to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 1:35pm

Welcome to the board