Should I call it quits?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Should I call it quits?
4
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:11am
I have been dating this guy for the past year who is 15 years older than me. We get along OK most of the time, but when we are together, he expects me to be touching him all the time. Sometimes I feel like he is smothering me. If he thinks I am not paying enough attention to him, he gets upset. Anytime we argue, it is always because of this. If I don't feel like having sex sometimes, he gets very upset and tells me that I don't love him. We have talked about this and he says he will try to change, but it keeps happening. Should I continue with this relationship? Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:15am
He sounds immature and overwhelming.

Sounds like you want out. If things are only 'o.k. most of the time' then why stay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:36am
You're right. I guess I am having a hard time getting out.....he treats me good in other ways - he always buys me things, and he treats my kids very good. I have 2 boys - one is 6 and the other one is 13. I guess I've just gotten used to having him around. He keeps telling me how much he loves me, and he doesn't know what he would do without me. That makes it harder to end it, but I know deep down that I am going to have to do something. Thanks for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:40am
You 'have' to do what is right for you and your children. You don't need another 'child' to deal with and you don't need to confuse your children anymore. Plus what are they learning from watching you two about relationships?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 10:42am

Right now this is somewhat unhealthy. You shouldn't have to be under pressure to touch him all the time and have sex all the time. You certainly have a right not to be in the mood and not have to deal with his anger about it or upset. He has a problem here. He may have some kind of sexual addiction and feel that when he is not touched or doesn't have sex he is being rejected and not loved. You cannot solve this for him by constantly acquiescing. He needs to work on his own feelings here, which are unreasonable. This does not change just because he wants it to. It sounds quite deep rooted. If this is bothering or smothering you and you are not comfortable with it, let him know that he needs to go get help with this situation. Sometimes these things escalate as well. Feelings smothered or under the gun in anyway in a relationship is unhealthy. Relationships should be mutual - and you have every right not to touch him if you don't want to at a certain point, or not have sex. Otherwise this turns into a form of control.


Trust your feelings here. If he doesn't get some help for this, think things over carefully.


All good wishes.