should I contact her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
should I contact her?
6
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:53pm
Here's the deal, about 3 weeks ago my girlfriend and I broke up because of a bad misjudgement on my part. I lied to her about something insignificant and she found out. She was rightfully pissed off. She has alittle bit of anger management issues and when she found out she broke it off between us. She is the type of person who takes everything very personnelly.

I sincerely apologized to her and told her that if she didn't want to see my anymore I wouldn't contact her again. It has been 3 weeks of no contact between us.

Besides the anger management issues she also is a committmentphobe. She has a history of blowing up at people and then feeling resentment at them and not talking to them anymore. I know for fact that when she gets really pissed at someone and then vows to not talk to them again, she feels remorse for her actions over time.

Anyways, now that it has been 3 weeks, I would like to contact her. We had a very loving relationship with intense passion. I just want to talk to her and explain to her that I have made strides over the past three weeks to really think about my actions and to make sure that they don't happen again and to give me a chance to rebuild her trust(i.e. reading books and talking to a counselor).

I have talked to one of her close friends who told me that she thinks my ex is waiting for me to call, but I can't be sure. When we left things it seemed like she never wanted to talk to me again.

I'm wondering 1) should I call her, 2) should i write her a personal letter explaining that I understand the mistakes I made in the relationship and if she wanted to contact me I would appreciate that or 3)since I have already apologized to her should I leave it in her court to contact me if she wished.

I'm not one to dwell and wallow in self pity. I made a mistake, apologized for it and have made strides to ensure it doesn't happen again and to better myself.

Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 6:00pm
Not to pry but it really depends on what about and why you lied. Without knowing it’s hard to give the advise, only because little lie to you could be huge to her or any other woman.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 8:22pm
Thanks for the reply. What happened was that I failed to call her after she called me a couple of times and then when I called her back I told that the reason that I didn't call her earlier was that I didn't have my cell phone with me. She eventually found out that I did and busted me. Her take is that if I'm willing to lie about such a small thing then what about bigger things. I agree with her points and I'm not trying to justify my actions at all.

I just want to let her know that I'm thinking about her and that I'm taking the necessary steps to improve my behavior. I'm not taking this lightly on my side and I want to ensure that this type of behavior doesn't happen again from me.

Maybe an email is the way to go. I'm willing to give her as much time as she needs, if that means forever, then I will just move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 8:35pm
I am going through something similar in that I don't know if I should contact someone. I think I am going to go the email route it seems the least intrusive. I say you should contact her and let her know what you said here. That way it's off you chest and who knows she may give you a chance. If she does you need to be sure you follow through with changing your behavior. Have a look at my post and tell me what you think if you don't mind! Best of luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 8:54pm
I decided to write an email as follows. I think this is the most unintrusive way of going about it.

Hi ______



I hope your doing well.



Just wanted to let you know that I'm working on my "issues". I have been reading alot of books on my behavior and am realizing how hurtful it was towards you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not taking this lightly at all and I hope to improve myself.



Anyways, I understand that you don't want to speak to me anymore and I respect that. If over time you change your mind, I would appreciate the opportunity.



Take care,



_____

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 9:21pm
I think that sounds good!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 9:28pm
Thank You and I will take a look at your post and see what I can add.