Should I CONTACT him or is that CAVING?
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Should I CONTACT him or is that CAVING?
| Mon, 05-19-2008 - 1:41pm |
I spoke to my boyfriend a week ago and posed to him three questions that have been bugging me for some time. We dont see each other than the weekend and having relations and him leaving has left me feeling really bad. We have been together for four years and he speaks about "building" a future for us, he has thrown out to me NOT on his own but from my probing about when we will get together in a committed way. He said before the end of the year. He owes a lot of money out and so do i.

Welcome to the katherinez2006,
Ok, you told him what you wanted/needed, kind of an ultimatum and now you want to know why he hasn't called or why he calls and plays dumb?
I see your need to rant as you seem to have a lot going on right now. However I'm having a really difficult time reading your post, it's a lot of who-said-what and I can't tell what perspective you're quoting from. I guess I just want to know exactly what you need help on, if it's a combination of things that's fine too, it just isn't clear from your post... Sorry
I did get the gist of some that you're saying though and will make a couple of comments
"I broke up with him around 15 times over the course of our relatinship."
Ideally you will have broken up with him zero times throughout your relationship if you want it to end up functional. Every time a relationship "ends" especially if you are bluffing, it grows a little weaker and he loses trust and security in you. I wonder what you have broken up with him over? Is it commitment issues?
It sounds as though you want him to explain or reiterate who he is to you. Why do you need him to tell you what his view of family is? You already know that by the way he acts with his family and yours. You sound fed up with how he integrates himself with family, so what are his words going to change for you to make the situation bearable?
Does this guy otherwise make you really happy?
Sorry about that. I am very hurt and very frustated looking at four years and where we are now. The fact i see him only on saturdays and into sunday and he goes home. He says the love yous daily and calls incessantly so when he sees me on saturday its like we talk all of the time, NO we dont talk real about the most important stuff. The most he has said with regard to future is that i need to focus meaning he needs to focus on making money to pay off his debts and NOT TO WORRY. BUT when his attitude towards family my family is so in my face that he will not be "easy" going or even take it as a given that when events happen he will be around. We have had a very rollercoaster relationship. He has verbally abused throughout and when his father passed on a year ago his anger and abuse escalated; verbal. He has been in a slump for ten years not caring about working and making money and since he has started this new job of three months he tells me he will never get back to the hell he put himself in years ago..HE expects me to forget hurtful things which in fact i had by going back to him time and time again he sees it as living in the past if i repeat someting to him or act like i need more reassurance from him.
I HATE to repeat and I HATE conflict of any kind. I have been waiting to see him change in the ways i want and all he does is get me back to focusing on just what he is telling me and the fact we have
You know Actions Speak Louder than words.
He maybe saying for the last 4 years that he is doing what is necessary to build a future with you, but he is not.
He has what he wants from you, a weekly appointment to get his groove thang on and then he goes about his business.
::If he loves me so much why and how could he let the time go to not even pick up the phone to see what is going on.
Love is not enough.
I hate to be saying this to you but if you can describe his behavior toward you as "cruel" then it's time to seriously reconsider why you're here.
It sounds as though you are very resentful about carrying the weight of the relationship since day one. I don't blame you if this is the treatment you get. He sounds very controlling; at the very least he is trying to control how you feel about yourself and that really is the mark of someone who is not good at heart.
You have good sex in return for this. It doesn't sound worth it.