Should I date my best friend or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2007
Should I date my best friend or not?
5
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 12:48pm

My best friend is a man I met about 2 years ago. We worked together at the hospital and we hit it off immediately. I was dating someone at the time and so I thought nothing more of him than a friend; however, right from the beginning he has always told me how much he likes me and asked me out multiple times. I always told him no, even when my BF at the time and I had broken up. I just felt like there was no "spark". I have always went for the men that make me tingle when they are around and make me just melt. With him it is different..I just like hanging out with him, but I don't feel that "spark" at all. We did have sex twice just before he went to Iraq last year. He was in the reserves and got sent over for a year. Even when we had sex I was very uncomfortable because I felt like he was so intensely into me and I just didn't feel that way about him at all. I felt so guilty.


Well, this past year we have talked or emailed nearly everyday and gotten extremely close. He says he has fallen in love with me and wants us to be together when he gets home in 3 weeks. To further complicate things....I was with a man just one time in December and I got pregnant. I am now in the beginning of my 5th month. The father wants no part of it and says he doesn't ever want to see it. So I have been single since that time. My friend in Iraq never batted an eye, he says he doesn't care and wants to be with me and help me raise the baby. There aren't too many men out there that are this patient, understanding, and supportive and I feel like I should give him a chance. Can you have a good relationship with someone if there isn't that intense attraction there? I am so confused. I don't want to hurt him.


Help!


Jennifer

Mom to DS Keagan (2-05) and DS Logan (8-22-08)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 5:20pm

Welcome to the board momtokeagan,


Sounds like you like him a lot, feel comfortable with him and maybe even possibly looking for someone to take care of you BUT if you don't feel that spark, you may look back years from now and be upset with yourself for being with someone that you don't feel that way about.





iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 12:29pm
He deserves to find someone who feels equally excited about being with him and doesn't feel guilty. If he were thinking straight, he would acknowledge this. In their hearts no one wants to be with someone who's only there out of friendship and need. If this is indeed your best friend, you wouldn't be considering taking advantage of him like this.
As for yourself, you're only attracted to men who make you tingle. I take it that you are most intimate with this friend than you are with these other men...those men are about sex and excitement while he's about closeness, support, safety and trust. I would start putting a lot of energy thinking about that. How are you going to end up with a good guy when you're only into the sizzling ones?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 1:47pm

Welcome to the board momtokeagan,


If you don't have that spark, I don't see a relationship with him ever working out. Especially since you have slept together before and it didn't really do much for you. I don't think that is likely to change. I would just tell him that you really like him as a friend, but that you just don't see it ever being anything another than that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 2:02pm
The other posters gave good advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 5:29pm

Thank you all for your advice. I will take everyone's opinions into consideration. In my defense, I have been nothing but honest with him right from the beginning. I have always told him exactly how I feel. So I don't feel like I am taking advantage

Jennifer

Mom to DS Keagan (2-05) and DS Logan (8-22-08)