Should I end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Should I end it?
10
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 9:08pm
I feel so guilty about posting this, but I'm very confused. My wife and I took a long time to have kids, and have two beautiful daughters and generally, have a great life. I'm 41 and 5 years younger than her. I work hard and we have become quite wealthy. She hasn't had to work for 20 years and the kids are low maintenance. I think my wife loves her lifestyle. She has little or no obligations and spends most of her time shopping for clothes for herself. She is my best friend and I adore the ground she walks on. For the past 5 years or so, she seems to have lost all interest in me. We rarely have sex, but to be honest, I can cope with that. The thing I find most upsetting is the lack of intimacy, or to put it another way, the contrast in how intimate she is with a broad group and how she is with me. For example, when we're out, she makes jokes with friends as if she's sexually frustrated, but I clealrly know she doesn't have any interest. She flirts with my friends but not with me. She tells me she loves me but when I touch her she feels uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. I love her to bits but I feel empty. I feel like giving up but I can't bear the thought of losing my kids. I feel sick just writing this. Anyone got any advice that might help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 11:09am
undercovercrab wrote:

Are you sure SHE is not having an affair? A woman who is still sexual and able to flirt but doesn't want you touching her... I really think she is "outsourcing" her romantic/sexual feelings.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 6:57pm

I agree with Fissy & Crabby.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 3:56pm

She could be bored.

Maybe it is time to sit down with her and discuss your concerns.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 12:58pm
It sorta sounds like sh'e taking you, your marriage, and her comfortable lifestyle for granted. Although it could be this all has something to do with as fissatore said, peri-menopause or being menopausal. That can really take it's toll on a womans sex drive (I know it did for me) If she's hot and having night sweats all the time (I had a HUGE problem with this) And sorry if this is TMI but I just wanted to explain why a woman in a menopausal state (if she is going thru this) may not want you touchng or hanging on her in any way. Maybe that's why they call it men o pause lol.
I think you just need to talk to her and ask her why she has lost all interest in being intimate with you. We could all guess and give you suggestions, but only SHE knows what's going on in her head. GOOD LUCK
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 11:07am

Sorry about the cheating question, I just had to ask it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 8:23am

Are you sure SHE is not having an affair? A woman who is still sexual and able to flirt but doesn't want you touching her... I really think she is "outsourcing" her romantic/sexual feelings.

If counseling doesn't work (and ten years ago doesn't count, you should try to find help for the relationship you have in 2012 not 2002) ... Then yes you should probably go. I can't imagine you want this for the rest of your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 4:12am
I haven't had an affair, and we have a date night at least once every week, and often it's twice a week. We had problems about 10 years ago. I won't go into those in detail but we hadn't had sex for a year back then. Ultimately, we worked our way through that. In summary, she was fearful of getting pregnant. I had a vasectomy. We talk regularly so she knows that I feel neglected emotionally and that I have more difficulty with her flirting when I feel that way. Thanks for your comments and your interest. I'll give more thought to what you wrote over the course of the day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 4:01am
Yes. We both went to counselling separately about ten years ago about a similar issue, and I learned from that experience not to let things build up so we talk regularly. I just feel like I'm always last in line, and maybe, I just need to accept that or move on. Thanks for taking an interest. I wasn't sure what I might find here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 12:12am

When things go bad in a marriage.......you don't just walk out on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 9:35pm

Jack, I hear your frustration.