Should I end things?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Should I end things?
6
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 6:50pm
So I met this guy over 3 months ago when I was visiting my friend at school in Peoria, me and him hit off really great from the start that I spent some of everyday of my visit with him it was really innocent we didn't even kiss those 3 days. When I got back home in Chicago, we started to text and talk on the phone nearly everyday or every other day, things were going really great I finally had confidence in a guy actually like me. Then last month I went to go visit him and my friend in Peoria, I slept over at his place over that weekend, but we didn't have sex, just innocent making out.
Yet he did ask for sex and when he did I told him no and got mad at him for even thinking I was going to have sex with him so we slept on opposite ends of the bed that night. Then in the morning when it was time for me to leave I said sorry and kissed him goodbye, then he texted me like 3 hrs later telling me he was sorry. And I simply told him it was ok but its just that I wouldn't have sex with him because I expect him to be more than just some guy I hooked up with and he said he understood but it really would've been nice to have sex with me, I personally think it was more of his hormones talking but w/e you decide. So I get back to school in Milwaukee and we're still talking and such of course not every single day and it was more of text messages than phone calls I understand its college we get busy. But now it has gotten to the point that me and him haven't talked on the phone in over a week and its driving me crazy. He's been sending me text messages every now and then with legit excuses on how busy he is. But I just feel like that isn't enough and I'm just getting really sick and tired of all his excuses and I know its not another woman or anything he really is busy, he has two jobs, classes, and he's now president of the organization he's part of but it just really urkes me he can't take like 10 minutes out of his day for a quick phone conversation, I feel like I'm the only one that is doing the missing her and it just isn't fair to me. I'm even starting to think that if we can't even communicate, the sole to our relationship, then how are we ever to move forward? So I've been debating on if I should end it with him because I'm just setting myself up to get hurt and I just really need someone that isn't going to disappear as soon as he gets busy? I don't even know if he is still interested in me, honestly?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 8:15pm

Welcome to the board sexsisum08,


While reading your post the question that kept running through my head was 'end what?' as far as I can tell this isn't a relationship, relationship, more a friendship that might lead to something or it might not, considering he seemed to only want sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 10:10pm
Carrie makes a good point about there not being a relationship to end. It sounds like you and him are on different pages regarding what you want out of this. You want a relationship. He is too busy right now and being in a relationship is not a priority for him. He just wants to do his thing and then have sex with you when you are over there visiting. It would probably be best to just move on because you are right - this doesn't look like it's going to move forward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 10:23pm

Welcome to the board sexisum08,


It seems to me that maybe the two of you have different opinions on what type of relationship you actually have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 11:45pm
Sorry to be harsh, but he COULD make time to talk to you for ten minutes a day, but he won't. So that should tell you something. Not that he's a bad guy, but that he's not really as interested as you are.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 2:11pm

Sounds like he wants to tone down the relationship, keep it much more casual. He is not as invested and that's probably because you didn't want to have sex...so, he sees it as more of a friendship and may even be losing interest. Don't pursue him. If he wants you, he will pursue you. Otherwise, go foward in your life and see if you can start fresh.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2007
Fri, 09-19-2008 - 3:04pm
Thank you for the advice I really appreciated it, these past couple of days i've been backing off on him and not returning his texts and he decided to call so I'm not going to be the one doing the chasing anymore in this, your right if he wants me he'll pursue me. And there is other fish out there anyway.