Should I forgive this?
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| Sat, 09-27-2008 - 4:43pm |
Hi ladies,
I just found out something very upsetting and need some advice about what to do next.
I'm engaged to someone I've always thought of as a truly GREAT guy: very affectionate, supportive, talks about our future, wants the same things as me, doesn't go out with "the guys," etc. We have had a fantastic relationship.
About a week ago, I found out that he had a drunken one-night-stand (getting drunk is NOT a habit of his) with an ex-girlfriend a couple of months after we met. At that point, we had decided to be exclusive, but had not yet "fallen in love." I saw an email exchange between them dated a couple of weeks after this happened, in which he expressed a lot of remorse and called the evening "a huge mistake." He told her he wanted to move forward with me. They have had some contact (MySpace, etc.), but I have no reason to believe that he has ever seen her again.
After confronting him, he was very remorseful and told me that he never told me about it because it was a huge, one-time-only mistake and he didn't want to hurt me. I have never cheated before and don't understand people who do.
In my heart, I feel like he is a really good man. Since we've been "in love," he has never given me a reason to

Well, unfortunately...I have been the cheater. I'm not going to try and explain how or why it happens. I have also been on the other end. My boyfriend didn't sleep with the girl (as far as I know), but they did have an emotional affair with phone calls and emails...and walks in the woods...which sometimes I think is worse than the ... one night 'what have I done' affair. The thing you have to rememeber in your situation is how you found out. HE TOLD YOU. You didn't have a hunch and you had to ask him about it. There was no problem in your relationship that made you doubt his love for you and you checked his email and found out that way. I'm not saying forgive and forget, but you need to acknowledge and move forward from this situation. Communication is key....If you have questions...ask them. If he loves you and wants to fix this ...he will answer any questions you may have; just be sure that you are ready for the answers you may get back....good or bad. The thing with me and my boyfriend is I was out all night ...he assumed I cheated; and I did make out with someone else (very very drunk)... and then instead of us talking about it...he went and started confiding in this other women. Now we both have trust issues and there isn't too much we can do to save our relationship.
It sounds like to me- that other than this one issue- you two have a
Welcome to the board nasuseam,
Are you bothered by his conduct?