Should I give him the space or say bye

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Should I give him the space or say bye
3
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 2:25pm
Well, here goes. I have beens eeing someone for about two months. He has been very attentive and romantic and communicative, until he dealt me a low blow recently. We had a romantic weekend planned and I gave it all I had...sexy lingerie, flowers, champagne, dinner, etc. He acted as if he was blown away and crazy about me. Then I didn't hear a peep for 4 days. I had to track him down (he was working alot). Long story not so short. He says he felt pressure and needs space. He still wants to see me but doesn't want to make any decisions about where the relationship is going. We had plans for Memorial Weekend and he said he just wantd to be on his own. He did call a couple of times and say he was thinking good thoughts and still digs me. That was this past Monday. Haven't heard anything since, but he mentioned coming over Friday. Oh, I should mention that I called Memorial Day to ask him some questions that had come up for me. He said my concerns were understandable but no, he hadn't met someone else at all, it was just about him needing space. BUT he did say that he felt I was interrogaiting him and "It was a turn off and didn't make him want to see me more"! I said I wasn't calling to turn him on and was that a threat? When he called that night he said he hoped I wasn't focusing on that comment and that he really likes me. That comment has stuck with me and I now think he may cause one hurt after another. But I also care and wonder if I should see what he does (with caution in my mind) and be a bit open or say bye bye. HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 2:46pm
I would probably let him take the next step. By you planning that romantic evening you have made it known that you like him. Let him do something for you before you say or do anything else. Play hard to get.....guys love that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 3:03pm
Oh good Lord, you two are two months into dating. Infatuation hasn't begun to wear thin. Neither of you know one another fundamentally. Dating is getting to know this person from the objective viewpoint of "is this how they are and does it meet my standards" - not, if he wants more of me and to have a relationship look at what all I'll have and get - especially regarding how I perceive myself and my life.

He is not sure he wants "a committed relationship" - because he's said it himself that is obligation and commitment and requirement to the needs of another and he's not sure he's ready for that.

Or, he might very well be ready for that and wants to "date" you objectively to see if you're the someone he can have that harmoniously and contentedly with.

If you gussied yourself up and gave it your all on the romantic weekend - great! I'm sure he loved the sex, the attention, and all the care put into the preparation made it apparent that you desire HIS ATTENTION.

But....you don't 'desire him' - becuase you don't know him. Just like he knows pretty well he odesn't know that much of you given you're in the infatuation stage and everything is designed to impress and please so that the other person continues to want to be around you.

Take it slow....

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 3:15pm
I agree with most of what you said. Especially about what dating means. That is where I'm at. Is he who I want and do we make a match. Not about does he want more of me. AND if he doesn't, which is how I'm beginning to feel, then I have my answer. It is a period of checking each other out and we were having fun and getting along great.

Also, understand we both decided to be exclusive and went to Planned Parenthood and I got on Birth Control. I even asked him if this was what he felt was a good move or should we slow it down. He actually cried and said NO, he didn't want to go backwards. he didn't want to date others and considered me his girlfriend. Then he withdrew. Huh. So, I guess the infatuation on his end has begun to wear thin.

But if you say be open (which is what I think I hear), then I'll just chill and see.