Should I go back.... again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Should I go back.... again?
3
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 3:13pm
I broke up with my boyfriend (for the second time) almost a year ago. We started dating in college and had a wonderful relationship... the chemistry between us was amazing, we just GOT each other. The first time we broke up was after about a year, a few months after he graduated from college. The relationship had changed and gotten too frustrating... in retrospect I think all the change and stress killed us; he had graduated and was trying to figure his life out, and I was about to do the same...not to mention most of our relationship was long-distance. After I graduated a few months later we got back together. I went through an extremely stressful period after graduating, and we were both in different places, literally. We were a four hour drive apart, and his career was taking off while mine was non-existant. Especially considering neither us could move closer for at least a year or two, we decided it was best to go our separate ways.

I was at peace with the breakup for a while... our relationship had always had a lot of ups and downs. We're both very strong, stubborn people... when things were good they were really good, and when things were bad they were bad. I've dated quite a bit in the last year, although nothing serious. I've been at peace with being single, and my own situation has changed and I'm a much happier person... but the more people I date and get to know, the more I miss my ex. I've never felt remotely as comfortable with anyone as I did with him within minutes of meeting him, even my best friends. Most of my friends and family thought we were perfect for each other. There's a possibility he might be moving to my town relatively soon, and I can't help but wonder... with both of us in the same city, after kind of getting our lives back on track, if we wouldn't be able to get back to the relationship we used to have and have the strength to handle some of the tougher parts... is it just wishful thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 5:08pm
summerjade18...

You ALREADY answered your own question with the words: "I've been at peace with being single, and my own situation has changed and I'm a much happier person!"

Doesn't this tell you something? Just because the man is moving back into town, what makes you think everything is gonna be "all better?" Things might start out okay, continue good for awhile...and then...BOOM....the sky starts to fall again!

To paraphrase an old Peaches & Herb song:

For some people getting "REUNITED" may feel very good.......but for others, it's can be the worst mistake a former couple can make!

Pianoguy---who is living proof that the latter scenerio applies and fortunately, escaped "just in time!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 5:46pm
I didn't get from your post whether your ex has told you he might be moving or you heard it through the grapevine. If he told you, did the two of you talk about getting back together or is this all in your mind, fantasizing???
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 2:41am
We've been in touch casually since we broke up, by email... maybe slightly more lately. I thought it might be worth seeing if we could at least re-establish a friendship if he got back into town, but I haven't brought it up to him other than asking if he wanted to go out for coffee next time he's in town (his family lives here).

As for the happiness bit... how I felt then and how I feel now is a result of me getting my own life straightened out, and had nothing to do with him. I've always thought it's hard to make a life with someone else if you can't even sort out your own; I thought I might be in a better place in my own life for a relationship.